


Cancer

by ev1878



Category: Black Parade (Album), Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Killjoys, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Ending, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 36,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1646936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ev1878/pseuds/ev1878
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Party Poison and Kobra Kid were taken. Korse tortured Party by making him watch Kobra being punished, mentally and physically. What would be more unbearable than witnessing the whole process of your dearest brother slowly being turned into a cold-hearted agent for BL/Ind and you had to end him up yourself? A Killjoy story inspired by the Black Parade song Cancer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra and Party were captured and brought to the BL/ind prison.

Kobra and Party were captured.

 

'Well, well, well, see who we've got down here, two Killjoys? We should definitely celebrate, shouldn't we, Party Poison, and......Kobra Kid, I believe?' Korse pointed his chin slightly at Kobra's direction.  
'And Kobra with a 'K', by the way.' Party chimed in with his defiant eyes.

'You should know better than to misbehave, Party.' The Dracs held the two Killjoys by the arms, tight enough to leave bruises.  
'What do you want from us?' Party asked.  
'Information about your little filthy organisation in the desert.'  
'No way.' Party snapped.  
'Oh, you never know, Party. How about your baby brother? Kobra, anything to say?'  
Kobra snapped his head and tore his eyes away from the floor.

'You'll get nothing from me. Come hell or high water.' Kobra stared into Korse's evil eyes.  
'Actually,' Korse grinned, 'I don't need info from you, Kid. I need it from him.' He went on grabbing the collar of Party's jacket, forcing the Killjoy to look at him.

'You can't kill me, Korse. I know you have orders. It's we four or none at all.'  
Korse almost burst into laughter, 'You think I'm just gonna let you die that easily without taking anything from you? You know what, it's totally silly.' He suddenly released Party's collar and shifted to punch Kobra in the face, hard.  
The younger Killjoy gasped at the unexpected burning sensation on his face as the two Dracs held him firmly still.  
Korse grinned and was ready for the second punch.

'No! Don't hurt him!' Party shouted.  
Kobra shot him a quick look and Party knew what it meant.  
'I'm fine, bro'  
'There you go. Someone's realising something now.'  
Party stared at Korse, the bastard wanted to use his brother against him. This was probably the only weakness Party had as the leader of the Killjoys. Kobra was all he had, and he couldn't take the risk of losing him.

'So what?' Korse put his hands on his hips, waiting for Party's answer.  
No, I couldn't, I couldn't betray those in the desert. Sorry, Kobra, I just couldn't.  
'No, no fucking way.' He glanced at Kobra and was met with a weak and sad smile, hardly noticed by others. Korse stepped forwards and punched Kobra in his stomach. Kobra was prepared this time and managed to swallow back the vomit rising in his throat, not letting out a single sound.

'Now you know how it works.' Korse took over the two Dracs holding Kobra, pulled his arms behind his back, and started to push him into a cell with pure white floor and glass walls. Kobra struggled at the firm grip as Korse sent down another blow right between his shoulder blades and forced him thorough the small cell door. Kobra flinched.  
'Save it, Kobra. We've only just begun.' Korse walked away, closing the door behind him.

Party looked at the approaching Korse, wondering what he's planning inside his mind.  
'You are going inside, too.'  
At least he could still be with Kobra. Party sighed slightly in relieve.  
However, Korse pointed his index finger to the cell next to Kobra's, 'That one would be yours. Enjoy your stay and the session starts tomorrow, so think about it carefully.'  
The Dracs opened the cell door, pushed Party hard enough in the back that he stumbled down to the ground. When he finally got on his feet, the Dracs had already closed the door with a loud clank and left.  
Party shouted Kobra a few times and realised that the glass walls were sound-proof. Kobra lay on the floor, face turned away from Party. Party cursed under his breath.

 

Korse lied.

The interrogation actually began at midnight when Korse stepped into Kobra's cell, waking him up with two painful kicks in the ribs.  
Kobra yelped and rolled to his side, curling into a ball.

'You wouldn't tell me anything, would you? Let's see what you've got.'  
Party was woken up by Korse's voice from the micro system in his cell. Korse must had a mini microphone with him.  
His head suddenly snapped as Kobra's scream came through the system. He looked hard through the glass walls, adjusting his eyes to fit in the dim cell of Kobra's.

Kobra's there, on his back, too weak to fight back. Korse's sharp blade moved down smoothly on Kobra's arm and split up the skin as blood gushing out.  
'Ready to tell me anything?' Korse spoke into his microphone but not tearing his gaze away from Kobra's bleeding arm.  
Party shouted helplessly at the glass wall until he realised that Korse might just enjoy watching his reactions.

Korse pressed his palm onto the freshly cut wound on Kobra's arm. Kobra's body twisted under Korse's grip.  
'Not a chance......' Kobra said, through clenched teeth.  
'Shut up, Kid, I'm not asking you. Are you alright there, Party?' Korse let go of Kobra's arm and slapped him in the face. Kobra felt his lip split. He spit the blood in his mouth at Korse.  
'Screw you, you motherfucker.'

As Party's heart sank seeing Kobra's reaction, he heard Korse growled angrily, 'Fine, Kid. You've asked for it.'  
The next thing he saw was Korse's fists rained down endlessly on every possible inch of skin that was not bruised on Kobra.  
Party banged the glass wall furiously but knew only too well that he couldn't just give in to Korse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korse continued on his torture on Kobra in order to gain information from Party.

'Still nothing from our Killjoys leader? Oh, it seems like your brother doesn't really care about you, does he?' Korse stopped the beating, smiled at Kobra, who was trying hard to back away from Korse but scarcely had any strength left to support his movement.

Korse stamped one foot on Kobra's chest, hearing a satisfying crack and a howl that Kobra had been holding back for too long. Party could hear the labouring breath of Kobra's. He saw Korse turned his face fully towards him, wearing a triumphant, evil grin.  
'This will do for now,' Korse spoke through his microphone, 'and I'll come back at noon. You'd better be ready. Both of you.'

Korse gave Kobra's side one last kick before marching out the cell, leaving the younger Killjoy writhing on the blood-stained floor.  
Party felt his throat raw from shouting Kobra's name. He hoped his brother could simply black out and get away from all the pain he'd suffered.

_____________

 

Party didn't sleep at all. He couldn't. He just sat against the far side of the cell with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at Kobra's limp figure all night till the sunlight shone through the glass. It had been a long, long night.

One Drac passed a tray with two slices of toast and a can of water through a small hole on the door, which Party didn't even bother to look at. Kobra got the same tray from his door, only without water. Party knew what it meant.

Kobra was still asleep, unaware of the sound of the tray dropping to the floor. 

'Kobra, you need to eat.'  
Korse stepped in with the typical grin.  
Party banged the wall and yelled, 'Korse, get away from Kobra! Come here and take me instead!'  
Korse turned to Party and gave him a sorry-I-couldn't-hear-you face. 

He kneeled beside Kobra and poked him a few times on his arm wound with a finger before Kobra opened his eyes with a groan.  
'You are such a screamer, aren't you?'  
Kobra didn't move, he didn't want to. And in fact, he couldn't move much, either.  
'Well, here's the deal. You eat, and I keep the food for both of you. If you don't, you still have yours until it rottens, but you brother gets to keep none. How's that sound to you, good?'

Kobra looked at Party and saw he staring back at him, eyes wide. Kobra sighed and tried to sit up and eat. Korse reached out to him with satisfaction. Kobra jumped as Korse's fingers touched his bare arm. He steadied himself and let Korse help him. Without Korse's grip, he would eventually fall back to the ground and his big brother was probably going to miss a meal.

'What the fuck, Kobra?' Party mouthed.  
'Sorry, Party.' Kobra mouthed back before sticking the toast into his mouth and chewed hard, without water.  
'Good,' Korse leaned back to the wall, 'That's my boy.'  
Kobra gave him a disgust look and got back to his toast.  
'I'll see ya boys again.' Korse said in an easy tone and left.

Party started to eat as well. If he were to fight Korse, he would need the energy from the food. He reached for the water can and instantly thought of Kobra. He tilted his head and for that tiny moment, Party doubted if he saw Kobra's hungry stare at the water can in his hands.

'That's it. Your information for your baby brother's water.' Korse said as he watched through the monitor and smirked.

_____________

 

Korse returned at exactly twelve.  
'Let's make it clear, shall we?' Korse stood outside Party's cell and spoke into the microphone.  
'Are you telling me anything or not, considering your baby brother's current state?'  
Party stole a quick look at Kobra and saw Kobra watching both of them with doubt. He looked fine, though. Or at least he pretended to look fine.

'No.'  
Party shook his head furiously.  
'Then I guess I won't ever have to step in your cell, Party.'  
Korse turned to his right and entered the cell in front of him.  
Party could see Kobra's body stiffened but remained still. He could only assume that Kobra was trying to be as calm as he could.

'Let's see. Glad to see you finishing all your meal, Kobra.'  
Kobra remained seated on the plain white floor, didn't bother to look at Korse.  
'Since your brother refused to give out anything,' Korse continued, 'You are going to pay for his misbehavior. You willing to do it? For him?'  
Korse said it loud and clear, making sure that Party heard it, too.

'Not just him, but all the others in the desert.'  
Kobra replied, still gazing at the floor.  
Korse grabbed a handful of Kobra's hair, yanking it backwards, forcing the blonde to look at him.  
'I'd be very sorry if you say that again.'  
'Not just him, but all the others in the desert.'  
Kobra repeated in the same determined tone, face expressionless.

Korse slammed Kobra's head towards the ground, flipped him over, and pinned him down on his back.  
'You want to be a fucking hero, don't you? I can make you one, but only if you can take it.' Korse offered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endless physical torture for Kobra and guilt for Party.

No, no, no. Party knew exactly how bad it could go, disobeying Korse or even trying to fight back. Kobra cried out as Korse's fist connected with his ribs. The scream tore through Party's ears to his brain. Automatically, his brain interpreted it as a 'painful expression from Mikey Way, his dearest brother'.

Korse's blade once again cut opened Kobra's old arm wound and proceeded to cut open his jacket. He tore it apart with exaggerated movement and faked a considering look as he mercifully, carefully, avoided touching Kobra's cracked ribs.  
Kobra was now naked from his waist upwards. His eyes cast aside to the white floor in pure shame. His pride had been ripped off along with his precious, red jacket.

Party could clearly see Kobra's chest rise and fall unsteadily in unease. He felt tears forming in his eyes, but he couldn't let them fall though, it was still early, far too early.

The cold blade slid through Kobra's torso, leaving only pink scratches on the sensitive, white skin, but enough to make Kobra twitch in discomfort, enough to make Korse smile.  
Korse did it at an incredibly slow pace and enjoyed every second of the process.

Party turned his head away from the scene in shame, only to be rewarded with a cut-off cry when Korse pressed down the blade harder on Kobra's stomach and sent the other hand to grip on Kobra's throat.  
'Come on, let your brother see how pathetic you are.' Korse smirked.  
'You don't want to die, do you? Hurry up, and convince your brother to save you from dying.'

Kobra shook his head firmly in protest, his face turning unusually red, limbs struggling hard, only getting weaker and weaker beneath Korse as the air slowly forced its way out of Kobra's lungs.

'Stop it, you sick bastard! You're gonna kill him!'  
Party shouted at the wall and banged it loudly.  
Korse answered the red-haired man with a big smile and tightened his grip as Kobra closed his eyes and choked one last time before all his movement died down into a horrifying, complete, silence.

'I'll talk, I'll talk, Korse, just, stop......'  
Party's voice trailed off with a sob as he realised that Korse couldn't really hear him at all.  
Korse released Kobra's throat, standing up wiping his palm on his white trousers as if he had just finally gotten rid off a dirty, dead Killjoy, 'I think I took my wrestling sessions alright.' He murmured, and yelled,  
'He ain't dead yet, just warning, Party.'

'Sorry, Kobra. I'm terribly sorry. I, I just can't give him what he want. Will you ever forgive me? No, no, don't, just, blame me. Open up your fucking eyes and blame me for everything that Korse did to you. Blame me, please.'  
Party dropped his head between his knees as he sat against the wall.  
He's not going to kill him. If he did then he would lose his bet. My little brother would not be killed. At least he would be kept alive. Was this making things any better? So far it was, or it wasn't?

_____________________________________

Kobra woke up in the cool evening with a shiver. Korse must had taken away his jacket when he left. He lay on his side, knees pulled up to his chin because of the coldness around his bare upper torso. In the BL/ind prison at the edge of the city and the desert, everything was hot during the day and in contrast, extremely cold during the night.

Kobra brought a hand to his throat, which was probably going to be dark purple tomorrow, and took in a large amount of air. He'd missed his lunch, and he wondered if Party got no lunch, either, because of him--if the BL/ind prison provided any lunch at all. The two little pieces of toast had gone long before noon when Korse came and checked on him.

He was starving.

He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm and looked across to find Party staring at his direction. Party raised a brow when Kobra noticed him and moved to the wall that separated them.  
'You're okay?' Party mouthed.  
Kobra hesitated before nodding softly and crawled to the wall, keeping his palm on his ribs for support. The coldness intensified. He stopped in front of the wall, not willing to touch the icy-cold glass wall. His shiver had now become uncontrollable and clearly visible to Party no matter how hard he tried to hide it away. He looked up with some effort, and saw Party shaking his head softly and there were tears shining in Party's eyes.  
'Don't be, Party.' He whispered to himself, 'It's not your fault, Party.'

'Second meal!' A Drac yelled and almost threw down the two plates into the cells with impatience. Great, so two meals a day was confirmed. With shaky hands, Kobra reached for the food which he had desperately needed the energy from. The Drac smirked under his mask. Instead of turning away, it stayed, and waited.

Party looked at the Drac suspiciously, didn't move to get his tray of food.  
What? Was Korse playing some mind game with them? Was there poison in the food? No, that was not possible, Korse wouldn't want us to die. Even if he would, still, not like this, not that easy. Out of his own thoughts, Party noticed that Kobra was chewing and swallowing quickly.  
He knocked the wall, 'Kobra, slow the fuck down. You're gonna choke if you don't.'  
Kobra turned to look at Party and swallowed down his last bite of the toast. The Drac made sure that Kobra finished his meal and left.

Party started to eat only then, slowly and carefully taking the bites. The toast was dry and over-toasted. He unintentionally grabbed for his new can of water, then it hit home.  
Kobra hadn't got any water yet.

As soon as he realised this, he again saw the hunger look at his water can from his brother.  
Kobra didn't try to turn away this time, instead, his eyes were fixed on the can in Party's hands, almost pleading.  
Party's hands froze in the air, feeling the unease to bring the can to his lips under Kobra's watch.

Kobra got the hint and immediately turned to his back, not wanting to disturb his big brother. He lay down on the floor and tried to block out the thirst. He was not cold anymore, but thirsty. There was a burning sensation in his throat. He swallowed a few times, but his mouth was just as dry as the desert outside.

_______________________________

'Kobra's finished his meal, sir.' The Drac reported.  
'Good, and how is he feeling, anything?' Korse demanded.  
'He was cold and trembling, but not anymore, sir.' The Drac replied instantly.  
'Good, very good.' Korse nodded thoughtfully as he watched the monitor. 'Prepare the tools for the midnight.' Korse ordered.  
The Drac with an immediate 'Yes, sir!' hurried off. Korse watched the Drac go then announced, 'Game on, Kid. Show me your venom if you still have any left.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korse had made Kobra into dehydration and was still continuing on sqeezing every drop of water out of him while Party watched.

Kobra was on the floor when his muscles started to cramp slightly. A sign of dehydration. He stretched out his limbs to ease the cramp and tried to stand up. He pulled himself to his feet unsteadily and instantly felt the dizziness, which caused him to leaned his body heavily on the wall and caught Party's attention.

There came waves of a throbbing headache. Kobra grimaced and brought a hand to his forehead. He groaned softly. Suddenly there was only him in the world, no Korse, no Dracs, no BL/ind, and of course, no rebels, no Killjoys, and no Party Poison at all.  
Kobra slowly sank down to one knee. Still leaned to the wall, both of his hands were clenched on the sides of his head now. His eyes screwed shut, his ears pounded by blood, Party's anxious and questioning loud bangings were completely ignored. His whole body trembled. The pain was so bad that he just wanted to black out.

'Interesting.' Korse grinned. 'Let's see what more dehydration can do to him.'  
He started to march out the monitor room with the Drac quickly following behind, 'tools' in hands.

___________________________________

 

Midnight.

 

Kobra's suffering had physically tortured Party. He pondered on giving in to Korse to end his brother's misery, even if that meant putting a bullet to Kobra's head. Kobra was still conscious enough to feel the headache and his ever-growing desire for water. In the middle of the cell, he lay again on the floor, twitching constantly and uncomfortably.

'Hi ya, you're doing alright?' Korse clapped his hands behind his back, circling around Kobra, eyeing up and down the blonde.  
Kobra didn't notice him.

'No reply? Exactly what I have expected.'  
Korse stretched out his hand and the Drac handed him a specially-designed stun gun.  
Korse kneeled down beside Kobra, studying his face carefully before suddenly grabbing him to his knees and brutally dragging him towards the separating wall of the two cells.

Korse yanked Kobra's head back to look at Party. Kobra gasped at the unexpected pain and finally noticed the world around him. He took a moment to composed himself and tried to look as calm as possible.  
'Party Poison, anything?' Korse demanded.  
'You know dying from dehydration is terrible, yeah? Oh, shit, you don't, because you never feel it!'

Party looked at Kobra, opening and closing his mouth twice but didn't know what to say.  
Korse slammed Kobra's head to the floor and sent him on all fours, the stun gun raised to the younger Killjoy's side.

'Tell you what, Party, this is not a just normal stun gun. It's invented by Better Living to treat stubborn bastard like your brother, who would be the first one to test this new device. Now, anything you want to tell me before letting your brother suffer?'  
Party could see Kobra tilted his head with much effort and his chapped and faded lips mouthing to him,  
'No!'

'There are different switches to administrate different levels of current to your brother,' Korse proceeded, 'and God knows what will happen when it comes to the highest level.'  
Korse lowered the gun to actually pressed it on Kobra's side, index finger covered on the first switch.  
'See how dry your skins have become......'  
Kobra flinched at the cold metal on his bare skin.  
'Last chance, GERARD!'

Party jumped hearing his name being called for the first time since the bombing started.  
Kobra looked at his brother again and shook his head.  
Don't give up now. Not now. I can take it. I can.

One eye contact for one second and Party understood his little brother.  
He frowned and bit down his lips, not reacting to Korse's words.

Korse blinked once, twice, and pressed down the switch.

Kobra fell to his side, hitting his cracked rib. He curled up, hand clenching his side. His body was twitching uncontrollably, his bottom lip bleeding because of his own biting. But nothing came out from his mouth apart from the blood.

Korse saw Party's mouth dropped open again, only to close it after suppressing the urge to ask for stopping the torture on his dearest brother. Korse raised a questioning brow, 'Interesting, I see. How about hitting the second switch?'

Kobra had recovered from the early twitching and was trying to get to a sitting position. His arms shook therefore were unable to lift his body. He crawled to the wall for support.  
Korse smirked and followed behind, slowly.  
'You are not going anywhere, Kobra. Why don't you just save yourself some strength and stay down?'

Korse stepped forwards and traced the tip of the gun all the way down Kobra's back.  
Kobra froze.  
He was already half-up from the floor with both arms shaking, barely holding himself steady enough.

The next second, all his effort was in vain as a sharp, burning current shot through his spine, sending him directly back to the floor on his stomach.  
Kobra didn't even get a second of rest and Party wasn't given a second chance of answering before Korse inflicted a third current to Kobra's waist.

Kobra couldn't fight the intensifying pain any more. He cried out and writhed painfully at Korse's feet. The convulsion had become only worse. His every heavy panting pressed against his broken rib. The darkness threatened to enter his vision.  
Kobra would have welcomed the darkness had himself not been a Killjoy, had Party not been his big brother, had him not been the one of few that Dr Death Defying, the rebels and the citizens had long relied on.

The shocks started to give him nausea, and he finally realised Korse's plan.  
He couldn't risk losing any more water from his body system.

Korse had read Kobra's mind and smirked at Party's direction. He licked his lip in anticipation.  
He then threw down the stun gun, watching the helpless Kobra struggling to stop himself from vomiting on the floor.  
Korse smirked again as he rolled his long, white sleeves up to his biceps, exposing his strong muscles. 

His fingers curled into fists, ready to strike.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra was near his death and his life flashed through his mind.

'Don't want to vomit, do you? Precious, precious, water is going to run out from your body pretty fast.'  
Korse looked down at the writhing man on the floor.  
He grabbed the younger Killjoy by the neck with a swift motion and pinned him to the wall.  
'Open your eyes and fucking look at me or your big brother suffers.' Korse demanded.  
Kobra's eyes snapped open, still gritting his teeth but breathing heavily through his nose.  
'Let's get started then!' Korse announced and felt Kobra swallowed hard against his hand.

'Oh, and still one thing. Drac, bring in the thing!'  
A Drac stepped in and handed over a piece of black clothes to Korse.  
'Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are so perfect and beautiful?' Korse smiled and edged his face to the other man's so close that there was only an inch or two left between them. Kobra tried to turn away.

'Don't you turn away, Kid. I'd love to see you so vulnerable and in fear.' Korse grabbed Kobra's chin and forced him back.  
'You know your eyes are all that give you out. You have pretended as if nothing's happening but you have been scared from the moment you were captured, haven't you? Am I not right?'  
Kobra stared at the ground as if he really could. Korse's other hand trailed down his cheekbone gently.  
'Let me have one last look at your pretty eyes.' Korse then tied the blindfold to Kobra's eyes, ignoring Kobra's weak attempt struggling free from the iron grip. Several sweat drops ran down Kobra's forehead. Kobra started to panic.  
'See? That's it. That's your fear. So long and goodbye.' Korse whispered beside Kobra's ears before giving a savage punch right below Kobra's ribcage.

A short and suffocating 'oof' escaped Kobra's lips. He slumped to his knees as Korse released his grip.  
His hands instantly moved upwards, in order to untie his blindfold. But Korse was quicker. He slapped Kobra's hands away and kneeled Kobra in his mid section. Kobra collapsed to the floor.  
He then looked up to find Gerard squeezing his eyes shut and covering his ears tightly with his palms. He smirked, 'Drac, make sure he watches, or at least hears.'  
The Drac then rushed to carry out his orders. It entered Party's cell and held a gun against Party temple.  
'Exterminator Korse wants you to watch,' The Drac then proceeded to cuff Party's wrists behind his back.  
'and no covering ears, either.' Party sat down heavily on the floor with hatred in his eyes.  
'Why don't you just fucking kill me already?' Party shouted out desperately.

The Drac went back to reported Party's exact words.  
'Why don't I just fucking kill you already? You know I won't, and that's the point of the whole thing, isn't it?'  
Korse spoke hard into the microphone, intentionally.

Kobra felt the snap of his rib again. He rolled to his side, only to suffer more brutal kicks from Korse's black leather boots. He screamed until his voice turned hoarse, until he couldn't scream any more, until his screams turned into tiny whimpers, which were music to Korse, and until he realised that he was actually choking on his own blood flooding up his throat.  
Korse sent down another vicious blow right on Kobra's back and Kobra was now coughing violently.

'Spit it out, Kid. The blood, the water..... Oh, and we don't offer free meals except for your brother so, give me back the meals, will you, pathetic little bastard?'  
Korse stepped aside and simply watched.

Kobra's coughing slowly ceased. He could hear nothing apart from the blood pounding in his ears. Lying in his own puddle of blood, he curled up into a ball. The sense of blindness and the unbearable pain had finally taken over him. He was too weak to tear the blindfold off his eyes. Every of his wounds were on fire. Every of his muscles screamed in agony. Every of his cells longed for water, and his whole body shook uncontrollably. He was on the edge of blacking out, or he was actually dying.

His mind suddenly became clearer than it had ever been before. Images of his life flashed through his eyes. His grandma, the bullies at school, his protective and soothing big brother, and his parents. Matt, Ray, Frank, Bert, and all the screaming, bouncing fans. And all the other things that were before the bombs fell.

Killjoys.  
Party Poison, Jet Star, and Fun Ghoul. Bert and Matt were no longer alive.  
Dr. Death Defying, Show Pony, and Grace. God, the girl was so adorable yet tough as old boots.  
His good-luck helmet, his bike, his sunglasses, his red jacket, and his raygun.  
And the day when he and Party was surrounded by groups of Dracs and Crows, Korse being the Exterminator, he secretly swore that he would protect his dearest brother and respectable leader till his last breath.........

Kobra’s eyes slowly closed.  
'Sorry, Par-Ge...Gerard, I guess I can call you that now. I've done what I could. I....I really hope that I didn't fail you. Sorry.....you have to walk this world alone as the last Way offspring.  
Since you took me into the desert, our childhood died. But we had always wanted to be the saviours of the broken, the beaten, and the damned, remember that? So please, just.......hold on tight and don't look back, and you will find me when the sun goes black.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When even Korse's syringe couldn't seem to save Kobra, Party got desperate.

'No!' Party shouted, and so did Korse. They both shouted. Korse reached to the inside of his jacket and pulled out a syringe. He rushed to Kobra's side and jabbed it right into Kobra's arm. Kobra twitched. Once, twice, and no more. His eyes tightly shut, his skins paler than the white floor now stained with dark blood. Party felt his own cell spinning, probably because of the needle, but more because of his little brother's unknown condition.

'Oh, let this work. I can't let him die, not until I get the info I need.' Korse watched Kobra nervously and muttered to himself. Party's eyes got wide hearing Korse's words. He was truly struggling now. Did he really want his little brother alive now? Or death seemed to be a better option? At least there were options, but could his choice actually make any difference at all?

Kobra lay flat on the floor now. Korse had turned him to his back while injecting. Flat and still and......peaceful. Nothing would ever hurt him again.  
'Oh shit, shit. Is this really happening? Come on, Kid, don't mess with me, you are more than strong and I know it. Don't you dare die now!' Korse cursed.  
When nothing came out from Kobra and the blonde stayed still, Korse gave the dead body a final kick and stormed out the cell, 'Useless scum.' He cursed again.

Party now was on the edge of breaking down although he knew that it was better off this way for his brother. He let out a heart-tearing cry and at the same time letting all his defence down. He didn't want to pretend any more. He was tired of faking and forcing smiles and courage as a rebel leader. For the first time since so many years he let go of the strings that were holding all his emotions back. He knew that Korse was watching him through the monitor, but he just couldn't care much.

Party kneeled down by the wall that was closet to his brother and sobbed. His eyes were shining in tears now. After all the suffering, his brother died in such a painful way, yet never gave out anything. Party felt that he couldn't live down the fact that his brother died before his eyes and all he could do was sitting there and watching and doing nothing.  
'I love you, Kobra. I've always loved you and, I wished you'd died with mama and papa when the bombing started and never made it out the desert. You so much don't deserve this........' His voice cracked at the end.

Korse smirked as he watched the monitor. At least he got to see Party in grief. Party's sobs were actually comforting and made Korse felt that he didn't kill Kobra for nothing. He could deal with the Master alright. After all Kobra was never their target from the starting point. A simple excuse might just do the trick to covering his own fault. While his brain quickly processing the various excuses--he's never bad at lying, he heard Party's shouting from the monitor.

No, Party was in fact laughing hysterically. Korse frowned and turned the volume of the system down. The Master surly didn't need a crazy Party Poison. Party calmed down after a few minutes and said loudly, slowly, and clearly, like a judge who was declaring a death sentence, eyes staring at Korse through the monitor.  
'Korse the Exterminator, you got what you want? You're happy now, huh? Tell you what, after so many things you did, you still lost, and Kobra has won the whole game, hasn't he?  
You got nothing from him but he got every thing from you. Your pride, your frustration, your low self-confidence, your anger, your jealousy......'

'Enough of your bullshit. Now shut the fuck up, Party, or I will-' Korse shouted back into his microphone before being cut off by Party.  
'You'll what? You'll kill me, torture me? Or for your Master's sake you want to kill my brother again? Go on then, I've got nothing to lose anyway, and you've got nothing to say, have you?' Party replied nonchalantly.  
'Party, Kobra died because of you, and you're not feeling guilty at all.' Korse suddenly said.  
'No, you're wrong.' Party sighed and shook his head, his red hair floating like raging fire.  
'When the hell will you start to understand that it was you, Korse, and your entire fucking corporation that have murdered all the citizens in Battery City and my brother?'

Korse paused and couldn't think of words to argue back, so he stayed silent and said nothing.  
Party kept on pushing his words, 'Think about it, Korse, why are you always so angry, wanting to kill every single person you meet, and with endless hatred in your eyes? You never think, do you? Because you are not allowed to think at all, and you fucking appreciate it and thank the corporation for the manoeuvre over your daily life and emotions. That's what I call pathetic!'

Korse turned the volume into mute and sat back to his chair, closing his eyes. He was going to sleep for a while before he could come up with some new ideas on Party.  
Hours later, Party had got the satisfaction from shouting out loud all the evil deeds and ugly facts of BL/ind. He was tired from living through this long, dark day. He collapsed to the floor, closed his blood-shot eyes, and fell asleep immediately.

Neither of them noticed the tiny movement emerging from the lifeless body in the cell next to Party's.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a relief to Party AND KORSE that Kobra didn't die. So Kobra's suffering continues.......

His brother's body twitching painfully on the floor, and the beeping sound of a heart monitor was getting slower and slower. Then Korse appeared. The same sharp blade sliced through Kobra's throat and the beeping became one long, ever-lasting sound.  
'I'm being kind, I'm helping him out of his misery.' Korse said in a cold tone.  
Kobra's movement died down, blood smearing all over his body.

Party woke up in the middle of the night shouting. In fact, every time he closed his eyes, he could see Korse beating his baby brother cruelly to his very last breathe.

 

Sunlight scattered onto the plain, white floor of the monitor room. Korse stretched out his body with a yawn and stood up from his chair lazily. He still hadn't thought of any new ideas how to deal with this tough Party Poison. It was going to another long, hard day for both of them.  
Still sunk in his own thoughts, a Drac suddenly ran in and came to a halt before bumping right into Korse.

'What the hell?' Korse demanded. 'Couldn't you Dracs just be a little more smarter, or, let's put it this way, a little less stupid?'  
The Drac immediately cast his eyes down towards the floor and stepped back slightly.  
'Sorry, sir. Just one thing to report.'  
'And that's all it took to get you running right into me when I just woke up from a fucking tiring day finishing off Kobra and gaining still nothing from the goddamned Party Poison?' Korse spit on the floor, 'Absolutely useless scum.'  
The Drac just stood there and didn't dare saying another word.  
Korse eyed the Drac up and down and finally sighed, 'Fine, what do you have? Speak it out now.'  
'Sir, I was guarding the cells last night and,' The Drac did actually swallow and pause before finishing the sentence,  
'and Kobra didn't die.'

Korse literally jumped hearing the Drac's words. He took a big step towards the Drac and grabbed the collar of the Drac's white uniform.  
'You fucking say that again!'  
'Kobra didn't die, sir.'  
Korse shoved the Drac to the wall and pressed it hard against the wall.  
'Kobra what?'  
'He didn't die, sir.' The Drac repeated. 'I swear.' The Drac added.  
'Since when does a fucking Drac learn to swear....... From those rebel prisoners?' Korse muttered. It didn't matter now. Korse grinned evilly as he let go of the Drac.  
A plan just popped up to his mind, screaming eagerly to be carried out right away.

 

When Korse arrived at the cells, Party was staring at his brother. Party pulled himself up to his feet and yelled, 'Korse, Kobra's none of your business. Just leave him alone.'  
Great, so Party already knew that Kobra wasn't dead yet. Kobra was never that weak.  
'Surprise, Party! I guess this is a draw, then.' Korse didn't bother to tease the redhead a little bit more, as long as he still had his bet, which was Kobra.  
Korse ignored Party's cursing and pushed Kobra's cell door wide open, leaving the younger Killjoy completely exposed to the radiating sunlight. Kobra moaned softly and tried to bring a hand to his eyes, in order to block out the sun, only to realised that he was too weak to even raise his arm and that the blindfold was still on his eyes. Korse stepped forwards to rip off the black clothes.  
'My dear Kobra wants this off, doesn't he?'

When Kobra had adjusted his eyes to fit the sunlight, he found a tin can laid perfectly still in front of him. Korse was leaning against the wall, legs crossed, hand on his hip, smiling.  
'Drink it, Kobra. After all the things, I found you being the most deserved.'  
Barely keeping himself conscious, Kobra looked up at Korse from the floor, with much effort. He flinched at the pain caused by even this tiny movement. Every cell of his body was now screaming for the water but, after all the things Korse had done to him, how could he bring himself to trust Korse?  
Korse got the hint and took the can into his hands.  
'You absolutely have your reasons not to trust me but........' Korse brought the can to his lips and took a mouthful of water before an exaggerate swallow.  
'See, nothing happens. I'm still here, and alive.'  
Korse kneeled down beside Kobra, sitting on his heels when he tugged Kobra's upper body up to lean on his legs. He ignored Kobra's agonizing cry and edged the can to the weak man's lips.

'Don't you fucking trust him, Kobra. Whatever it is, it's not going to be the fucking water you want! Listen to me, he is a liar, as he always is!' Party shouted, banging loudly on the glass wall. But Kobra was too exhausted to take in any warning sound, letting alone processing it. He couldn't think rationally, either. Indeed his body had took complete control over his mind, and Party could see that Kobra wasn't even thinking at all. Party watched helplessly as his brother took in mouthful after mouthful of the what-he-thought-was-the-fucking-water-he-wanted liquid.  
Korse watched the worn-out blonde with complete satisfaction and he turned around to meet Party's eyes. Looking straight into them, Korse wore a vicious, victorious smile on his face.

'Nice guess indeed, Party. How about another guess on what it actually is, Poison?'


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party couldn't bear to watch his brother suffer, so he pleaded......

Party glanced over to Kobra and found him falling back to the floor, hands gripping tightly around his throat.  
Korse had stood up, watching with a big smile.  
'What have you done to him? What the hell did you give him?' Party stared at his brother in horror. Kobra couldn't be choking, from the look of it. It must be something else, something far more dangerous than that. Party couldn't think of a reason the liquid being poison, though. Why would Korse poison someone who he was just so relieved to see being saved from the edge of death? Kobra's shoulders were shrugging, which led Party to believe that he was sobbing. But turning to Kobra's face, Party saw him blinking, eyes being slightly red, but nothing had come out from his eyes. Kobra had no tears, no tears at all. A sign of severe dehydration.

That didn't explain the whole thing though. Kobra's face contorted in pain every time he swallowed. He was still gripping his throat so tightly that Party thought he might actually suffocate himself. 'Kobra, please, say something. Are you okay?'  
'No, he's not.' Korse replied right away. 'Can't you see that, dumbass? And he can't ''say something'', either!' Korse proceeded on. 'Think about yourself, Party, you haven't had your guess. No idea, huh? But will it really make any difference knowing what it is?' Korse slowly picked up the can. 'This pretty, little thing.....' He shook his head slightly. 'You two used to be so acquainted with it. Get the clue yet, Party?'

Shit, it was liquor. Party thought to himself. Korse knew about their past, being depressed and addicted to tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, especially liquor.  
'I thought you two should be alright with--no, immune to it, you know? Especially Kobra, visiting...like what…..four therapists a week? Very severe depression, wasn't it?'  
'Shut the fuckup, Korse!' Party yelled.  
'Make me then!' Korse grinned.

Kobra tried to slow down his breathing and cut down the frequency of his swallowing. The liquor in the can had burnt his previously desert-dry throat fiercely. Every swallow was accompanied by a sharp pain like somebody was jabbing a needle to his throat. And the worst part was that the liquor seemed to trigger endless secretions of saliva that he just couldn't stop swallowing. He opened his mouth and tried to say something to assure Party of something, or at least to make him feel better, but nothing came out from his mouth. He tried again, harder, but this time his vision blurred from the pain that felt like a dagger being stabbed into his throat repeatedly. He opened his eyes that he didn't remember closing, only to see the rough outlines of Party and Korse's figures. Was it from the pain or the severe dehydration? He didn't know any more. The loud noises of Party's banging and Korse's arrogant laughter had mixed into one single unstoppable and irritating sound like that of a radio when the Killjoys couldn't catch Dr. D's ever-changing secret channel. And it just wouldn't go away. He felt as if his head was going to explode, never mention his burning throat that had been adding up to his agony. Unlike last time when Korse beat the shit out of him, he couldn't think of anything to tell Party, nor could he see any image of those important people in his life. All he wanted at the moment was to fall into some state of coma, or even better, the open arms of the Death.

When Kobra finally fell into the much-appreciated sleep, though, he was tossing and turning because of the fever he had after having literally no liquid entering his system for more than four days in the excessive heat of the desert. His breathe laboured, and his face covered with sweat. He felt so hot that even being half-naked at night wasn’t cool enough for him. He let out several involuntary moans and lay flat on his stomach on the cool cell floor. Korse had left the cell then, but he had left his microphone beside Kobra on purpose, because he knew what was about to come, and that Party would definitely want to know it.

Party was asleep, yet quickly woken up by Kobra's calling.  
'Party.....Party, make him stop. God, I can't take it anymore. It's killing me......why am I not dead already?'  
Oh, fuck, he wanted to die, he had always wanted to die for....how long? And he never spoke a word about it?  
'What, what is it, Kobra? What's killing you?' Party instantly sat up and looked across to Kobra. Kobra was breathing rapidly with his eyes tightly shut. Kobra was in delirium. He was letting out all the words and emotions he had been holding back, ignoring Party, the Dracs, Korse, and the whole fucked up world.  
'Party....Party.....GERARD.....I, I want to go home..... You've got to get me out of here....before....before I lose it..... It hurts....it hurts so much......'  
Party's heart literally broke hearing his brother's weak and hoarse voice. And the way Kobra called him, he had never been called by his real name since they roamed the desert. He knew that Kobra was on the rack, but hearing Kobra saying it out himself simply intensified the aching in his heart. How could he let his brother suffer so much?

After struggling with his inner self for what seemed like forever, Party looked up into the monitor and shouted, 'Korse, I know you are there, and you definitely have something to end this shit!'  
Korse appeared immediately in front of Party's cell.  
'This was not how your mother taught you to do when asking someone for a favour, was it?' Korse tilted his head up slightly and let out an arrogant smirk.  
Party closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before letting out a defeated sigh and lowered his head. 'Korse, just, make it stop.......please........'  
Korse chuckled, 'That's more like it. Fancy repeating it once again for me?'  
Party swallowed hard, casting his eyes down to the floor in shame.  
'Please, Korse, make it stop.......please........'

'Please what?' Korse kept pushing.

'Please............Sir.'


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korse granted Poison his request and eased away Kobra's pain. That was just the begining of another evil plan.

Korse chuckled again in satisfactory and pulled out another needle, 'It isn't too hard, is it, Party? And this,' Korse raised the needle, 'is a little reward of your pathetic begging. Bet your brother's gonna thank you for that.'  
Party knew that Kobra would be absolutely furious knowing Party giving consent to Korse for injecting him with the BL/ind drug, and that Party actually gave in to Korse, begging Korse because of him, but Party just couldn't care much. His brother was in too much pain, and the words from his mouth was going to break Party down eventually.

Korse entered Kobra's cell and had the Drac pin the still sleeping yet writhing Kobra to the floor properly. Korse grabbed Kobra's arm and pushed the needle right into the old healing wound caused by Korse's sharp blade on the first day Kobra was captured. Kobra didn't move a bit. Korse turned to look at Party intentionally and Party gave him a warning look. Oh, sweety, did you really think that it was actually going to threaten me? Whatever, he was unconscious. Come on, I mean, he wouldn't feel a Goddamned thing after waking up, either, so why care so much? Why even care? Oh, because he was your brother? Yeah, I had heard that before, too many times.

The drug only started to take effect after five minutes, which surprised Korse. He thought that maybe there was something wrong with the drug. It shouldn't take that long. Well, at least it worked. Normally from the results of the test subjects used by BL/ind, drugs always take effect immediately after they entered 'normal' human body systems, but Kobra was somehow different, stubborn, well, a bit resistant to the drug. Korse would rather think that Kobra was an rare exception than the fact that Kobra was born this way, destined to become a Killjoy, along with his brother. Time to think about plan B as the previous work had gained Korse nothing at all. Korse switched his mind back to the seemingly fast asleep man on the floor and nodded, starting to make his way to the cell door. He paused and left another can with the transparent liquid beside Kobra before stepping out.

'In Better Living's name and honour, I promise you, I swear that this time it's water.' Korse said to Party before he had the chance to ask. Party knew that he wasn't lying.  
'And how long will he be like this?' Party asked suspiciously, arms crossed in front of his chest.  
'Oh, he should be waking up in the morning, and like I'd said, the drug would numb his pain even when he's awake.'  
'Why are you doing this? What are you going to say to the Master?' Party narrowed his eyes.  
'Don't worry about me, Party. I have my own way of surviving this world.'  
'Korse, why are you doing this?' Party asked again, more firmly.  
Korse stared back at Party and then turned to his heels, didn't reply. He started pacing away, 'Get yourself some sleep Party, and I love to hear you beg......' His voice trailed off as he walked away, but the sentence, along with the sound his heavy boots made connecting the floor, left echoing in Party's ears. Party lay back to the floor, staring at the white ceiling, he wondered when the breaking dawn would come and how the hell he was supposed to tell his brother the truth.

Korse couldn't sleep, either. He was too excited about the thing he was going to do tomorrow when Kobra woke up. He was sure that he wouldn't end up getting nothing just like before. He led the Drac to the experimental room in which there were computers automatically recording everything done and said in the room. He walked in front of a secretly placed safe and entered the password. The safe was actually a little fridge. From the safe Korse carefully took out the only thing, which was a needle with black liquid in it.

'This should serve as the ultimate last straw! You should watch and learn.' Korse addressed the Drac in its language. The Drac nodded mechanically as Korse explained through all the things about the needle.  
'Our medical department spent years and millions of money researching, and they made this one and only drug. Isn't it beautiful, I mean, the thing this drug can do?' The Drac nodded again in response.  
'And I hold the only dose of antidote. Nobody has tried this thing before because it is too expensive to be tried on normal subjects. So Kobra the Killjoy has the honour to be the first one then. I expect so much from him, and it certainly won't be a waste of time and money. I can even tell that the price we had paid would be worth it!' Korse paused for a second, 'I don't think I would need the antidote though.'  
'But before all these interesting stuff happens, ' Korse put the needle back and closed the safe, 'we have other things to expect, don't we?' Korse patted the Drac on the shoulder as they left the room and to the cell again.  
'First, let's see what Party has to say to his brother once they wake up together, shall we?'  
Korse entered Kobra's cell. He lifted the unconscious man up easily, not making a single sound before putting Kobra down on the floor of Party's cell gently, with the water can of course.  
Korse then stepped out as he closed the door behind him.

'True confrontation starts here, boys.' He announced under his breathe.  
He could already picture Kobra waking up, backing away from the water can.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra woke up in his brother's cell and ended up seeing needle again.

Party woke up and rolled his side, only to hit a soft object beside him. He snapped open his eyes and gasped.  
'Kobra, Kobra?'  
Eying up and down the sleeping man beside him, Party couldn't believe that Kobra was right with him. He stretched out his hands then hesitated. Was Kobra really there? Wasn't there a glass wall between them? His hands touched the warm body of Kobra's and he realised that this was not his hallucination at all. His heart raced faster at the thought, but he suppressed his urge to wake his brother up. Kobra needed to rest, after so much he had been through, for Party, for the rebels, and the whole damned world. Party sat up against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest, watching his brother tenderly. He was not Party Poison now, he was just a perfectly normal big brother of a perfectly suffering child in the BL/ind prison. It was as simple as that. After few minutes, the cruel but realistic question he fell into sleep with a few hours ago returned to his mind. What next when Kobra woke up? What should he do? He knew that Korse must be watching him now through the monitor, with a smile.

Party didn't realise that he was nodding off until he heard Kobra waking up with a groan.  
'Ah, it felt so good....... Morning, Party!' Kobra said in an extremely unusual tone.  
What the fuck, was he high? 'Urm.....Kobra, you look horrible.'  
'Oh, do I? But I'm feeling good here so......doesn't matter?'  
Holy Christ, did Korse injected overdose of the drug to Kobra? Party reached out and carefully pressed two fingers on Kobra's broken rib. 'Does it hurt, Kobra?'  
'No. Why?' Kobra replied instantly.  
'Because you have a fucking broken rib here! And look at the awful wound on your arm!'  
Kobra looked down at his torso then back to his arm, 'Oh, yeah, you're right.'  
' Of course I'm right. Kobra, what can you remember? Do you know why you are here with me?' Party asked carefully.  
'Why I'm here with you. No......so why?'  
'Well fantastic I don't know. And that's why I'm asking you!'  
Kobra shook his head repeatedly.  
'What was the last thing you remembered, Kobra? I am not messing with you.' Party asked firmly, and hoped that his brother didn't remember the injection part.  
'Let me think. Loud noises......you banging the wall......someone's laughing.' Kobra's voice came to a sudden halt right at the last word. His face turned seriously calm, sadness and fear cast in his eyes.

'Korse......it's Korse......' He started to tremble violently and looked around the cell to search for the too familiar figure in white. And then he saw the water can right beside him. It triggered the whole chains of events back to Kobra's mind. Kobra backed away from the can, mentally feeling the burning in his throat as he gripped it tightly. Kobra screwed his eyes shut and his breathing became faster.  
'Kobra, Kobra, are you okay? That's water, that's only water, I promise.' Kobra shook his head, trying to clear up the flushing memories in his brain, 'no........no.....'  
Party pulled Kobra into his arms and hugged him tightly. 'Sh.........sh...., it's okay. I'm here.'

Kobra composed himself in his brother's soothing embrace. He swallowed and felt the thirst for water coming back. Party seemed to read his mind. 'You need to drink, Kobra. Your body needs the water.' Party picked up the water can, 'This is water, I promise. I won't lie to you, will I?' Party then brought the can to his brother's lips. 'Smell it, there's no alcohol in it. You have my words.'  
Kobra took a tiny drop of the liquid before he started to take in the whole can of it.  
'Easy, easy....Kobra. Slow down, will you?' Party whispered.  
Kobra emptied the last drop of the water in the can and licked his lips.  
'So, what is it?'  
'What is what?' Party felt his heart sinking.  
'What is it that I miss?'  
Party swallowed hard before replying, 'Nothing.'

Kobra locked his eyes on Party's, 'come on, I know that's not true. I definitely missed something, or you wouldn't ask me if I remembered anything.'  
'Kobra, just, leave it, please.'  
'At least you know how I got this numb feeling, don't you? So why?'  
'Kobra, believe me, you won't like it......' Party's voice trailed off.  
'I know I won't, and it doesn't ma....' A thought hit Kobra's mind. His voice got weak, 'you did something in return for my pain killer. Am I right?'  
Party turned away and refused to answer.  
Kobra sighed heavily and hung his head down in total defeat, 'I take that as a yes, then. I don't want to know it now.' Kobra avoided Party's eyes feeling somehow guilty. In the long and awkward silence, the pair heard Korse and whatever numbers of Dracs coming.

Korse threw the door open as two Dracs immediately held Party down in a kneeling position. Korse edged towards Kobra with a needle in his hand, the liquid inside being pitch black. Kobra stumbled back until his heels clicked the wall.  
'How are ya feeling, Kid? If there's anyone you have to thank then it has to be me!'  
'Wh....what?'  
Korse put the weight of his entire body on Kobra to immobilize the blonde. 'Oh, hasn't your sweet brother told you that he begged me for giving you something to ease away your pain. How touching.'  
Kobra stole a look at Party and found Party looking away in shame.  
'He did this because of you, Kobra Kid.' Korse's face was so close to Kobra's that Kobra could literally feel every of Korse's breath.  
'Now do you have any idea what this is?' Korse shook the needle slightly.

Party nearly fainted seeing the needle. He hoped that it was just another dose of pain killer for his brother. However, it was clear enough that the man holding Kobra now was Korse, and Korse didn't play nice for nothing. Party could see that Korse was whispering something beside Kobra's ear, and that Kobra started to tremble again. He wondered what Korse had just said to Kobra. Korse waved in another two Dracs and they also held Kobra down on his knees. The next thing happened made Party's jaw dropped.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still have no idea what the drug did to Kobra, Party could only watched his brother getting mentally weaker and weaker until.....

'Please, don't do this to me. It's not gonna get you anything from Party.' Party's eyes widened. When the hell had his brother ever begged? Not even once in the time Party had spent with him, which was almost the entire of Kobra's life.  
'Remember you are never the first one begging me for something.' Korse smirked. 'And certainly this is not your first injection, either. The pain killer, remember?' Korse then grabbed Kobra's arm. As the needle edged closer, Kobra struggled furiously against the Dracs' iron grip.  
'Please, Korse, please don't......, please.'  
Despite Kobra's pleading, the needle pierced its way through Kobra's arm wound again and the black liquid entered Kobra's body system at a merciless pace. Kobra slumped down to the floor in defeat. He didn't fight afterwards. The drug was in him now, and there was no turning back. Korse pulled Kobra back to his feet, dragging him back to his cell before leaving the cell with a laugh, ignoring Party's questioning as the Dracs releasing him and followed Korse out.

'Kobra, what is it? What did Korse say to you?' Party shouted. Although he knew that Kobra couldn't hear him, he was sure as hell that Kobra understood what he was asking.  
'Party, I am fine. Just leave me alone.'  
Party was surprised to hear Kobra replying, and that Korse didn't take away the microphone on the floor, although his brother's answer wasn't really convincing.  
'Come on, Kobra, you're not fine, not at all. Use the microphone and talk to me!' Party pointed to the microphone on the floor.  
Kobra pulled himself to his feet and made his way towards the microphone. Party's heart lightened, but soon sank again, yelling 'No!' as Kobra brought one foot to crush the microphone under his heel.  
Kobra sat back down on the floor weakly, burying his face in his palms. He didn't want his brother to see his tear-stained face. Kobra knew that he had lost the battle, and the injection was all Korse needed to defeat him. The only point if couldn't figure out was, if the drug was so useful, why not using it on Party and every other rebel, too? Little did he knew that he was the first, and probably the only subject BL/ind used on this drug if the corporation couldn't afford making a second dose. Korse was actually placing a big bet on him.

While Kobra stayed in the same body position for more than ten minutes, losing himself in his thoughts, in the cell next to his, Party hadn't given up yet.  
'Kobra, Kobra, answer me! Don't keep it all to yourself!'  
Couldn't you just shut the fuck up? Kobra thought. Whatever Party was trying to say, it all seemed to Kobra like the banging noises of the glass wall, without Party's voice. Not even a thread of it.  
Unfortunately, Party didn't cease banging the wall. He was worried sick.  
'Kobra, Kobra......!'  
Kobra stood up and rushed to the wall in an incredibly high speed, right facing his brother.  
'Have you had enough? Couldn't you just stop for a fucking moment and give me some fucking peace?' Kobra lashed out at Party irrationally.  
Party didn't know what his brother had just said to him, but he turned away and sat in the far corner of the cell, looking hurt.  
Kobra immediately regretted his words as soon as he raved out his sentence.   
'What have I just done to my dearest brother? Jesus, I'm sorry, Party. I'm sorry.' Kobra whispered, hands clenched tightly on both sides of his head.  
Kobra wasn't sure what he should do, but considering the drug's effect, it seemed to him that the best option was to die, in his own way. So he stopped eating.

Korse, just like Party, on the other hand, was so worried that he might lose Kobra again. Party was sent so many times by Korse to Kobra's cell to convince his brother to eat. But Kobra was just too determined and stubborn that he wouldn't compromise.  
'Party, just for once, listen to me, and let me do this. This is the only thing left in me that is not owned by BL/ind. At least I should have control over my own death?'  
Why did you have to say that? Party only hoped that Kobra could be more specifically.  
'You will do the same thing if you were I.' Kobra added, still not revealing the truth.  
Korse heard all their conversations behind the monitor and decided that Kobra Kid had left him with absolutely no choice at all. He sent down four Dracs at each meal time to force-feed Kobra.  
'Anyway there has to be something going down into your stomach, so why make it so hard on yourself?' Korse asked as Kobra struggled to stop himself from choking and vomiting.

Other than that, Korse didn't do much to Kobra like he used to. Less beating and less interruption of sleep, but Kobra didn't seem to get better at all. He still refused to eat. From Party's point of view, at least Korse had kept his heath state steady. But in the mean time, mentally Kobra was getting worse than ever before.  
He avoided all possible eye contact to Party, not answering any of Party's gentle knocks on the glass wall. The Kobra-style defiance from his bright eyes had faded away. He used to be so fast, confident and full of energy, just like a cobra, always ready to attack. Party supposed that Kobra couldn't even take aims with his raygun now, if only he got one.  
Most of the time Party would see Kobra being soggy, lying on the floor, staring at the white ceiling, thinking about nothing. Kobra wouldn't talk to anyone, he didn't even talk to himself.

The cells became quieter and quieter. Korse didn't bother beating Kobra now, because physical damage wasn't his purpose. Party had ceased trying asking his brother any more questions, because he knew Kobra wouldn't answer. The only tiny sound that came from the cell was Party's soft sobbing when he looked at his brother in sleep. In so many dark nights, Party would sing a lullaby his mother used to sing and watched Kobra fell asleep without Kobra's noticing. And every time Party found himself choked on his own tears when he saw his brother being bruised and broken. Halfway through the song Party's voice always cracked and he had never made it to the end.  
Every day was exactly the same. Hope and faith had died away. Kobra was left a shell of a person, and so was Party. They were either getting numb to it, or being on the edge of a total break-down.

 

And the most unexpected thing happened when the two Killjoys had completely believed that they had been long forgotten.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspension built up as unusual things happened around Kobra.

'Meal time again, Kobra!' The head of the four Dracs announced. 'You going to be obedient this time?' The Drac repeated the same question Korse had demanded to ask every time before the process.  
Kobra shook his head slightly, just like what he'd been doing for days, without any expressions. It was just another painful routine which he had to go through twice a day.  
Party had been immune to all this, not feeling anything for his brother. He simply watched. The drug hadn't done anything physically to Kobra, and it seemed to them that Korse only wanted to keep them in sight for safety, and doing nothing more.

Korse was wondering if the drug was simply a failure after all the time and money the corporation had spent. He was getting impatient.

The four Dracs finished force-feeding Kobra as usual and were ready to leave. Kobra felt one hand squeezing his shoulder just for a tiny moment. He jumped a bit and soon enough he had convinced himself that the little pinch was just a coincidence. It didn't mean anything apart from Kobra's own illusion and interpretation. Anyway the Dracs were like robots, they couldn't be too gentle, could they?  
Kobra sat back to the floor, still holding one hand on his ribs. It was healing, like other wounds covering over Kobra's entire body, but at a slow pace because Kobra didn't eat properly.  
What if the injection was just a lie? What if Korse threatened to inject him with the lethal black liquid just to enjoy Kobra's pleading? Nothing had indeed happened since the injection. That was the truth.  
Kobra had thought about the possibility before, but every day his hope got weaker. He had lost his belief in chance and fortune, in morality and trust, and most of all, in creativity. After all the things he had been through, the fucking world betrayed him to BL/ind. Why? Kobra had looked for an answer but later found out that there was none.

Being bored with nothing to do was a torture, but at least it was better than Korse coming down to his cell and gave him a good thrash. Kobra still couldn't face his brother, who had sold his pride to Korse for Kobra's sake. He knew how difficult it was for the leader of the Killjoys to talk and behave like that. And personally, spending almost his entire lifetime with Party, Kobra knew how stubborn he was. Kobra was ashamed that he let the black liquid in. He should have fought harder, or get Korse to pull the trigger and blow his head off. Lost in his own thoughts so deeply, Kobra didn't notice that Party had being knocking the wall gently for minutes, calling for him. Party had given up trying making any form of contact with his brother long before, and now he was calling for him.  
'Hey, did you see that Drac? He pinched you on the shoulder!' Party whispered to himself. Although he had been watching his brother nonchalantly, every movement of Kobra's was still caught in his eyes. But even though Party was not sure whether the pinch was real or just from his mind. He gave up soon seeing Kobra having no reactions at all, with his typical poker face.  
Party didn't mean the poker face that Kobra used to be good at. Kobra was always the best hiding his emotions. The Killjoys had even joked about turning Kobra in a perfect Drac or something like that. But now, this face was completely different. It wasn't fake at all. Instead, it couldn't be more real.

Kobra was still staring at the same point on the floor. He tilted his head up and to his surprise, he found a tiny piece of paper laid beside him. Kobra drew back a sharp breath and tried his best not to jump. He kept as still as he possibly could, not showing any signs of unusual changes even to Party, letting alone Korse behind the monitor. He knew the handwriting. It was Grace's.

132325101318-151005   
"042613

tonite-six  
LAS

Kobra knew it.

Look Alive, Sunshine, an abbreviation commonly used by the rebels, especially by Dr. D and the Killjoys. Kobra's heart lifted and raced faster at the sight of the paper. After all, he and his brother weren't forgotten. No matter who sent the paper, he didn't forget about the two Killjoys. Could it really be Dr. D? Now they had a chance to get out of this Goddamned prison.  
But then Kobra started to wonder. What if they failed the rescue and got themselves caught, too? He didn't want to see more people suffer because of them, especially when it came to Dr. D......and the remaining Killjoys.

Tonight at 6pm. That was the second meal time, during which Korse would visit them both by himself. Why did they pick such a dangerous time? They could have break in in the morning so all they would have to fight would be just four stupid Dracs.

And how about the code? It was only used between him and Party, and they hadn't told anybody about it. They created it when they were kids and they tried to hide things from their parents using it. So who could have instructed Grace to write the message using their code and, when and how did they bring it here? Sneaking in when the pair were fast asleep?   
Or unless....... they were already in the prison.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The begining of rescue that took the Killjoys by surprise, especially Kobra.

3:42 pm, monitor room

Korse nearly nodded off from watching the monitor all day long. He used to enjoy doing it because he got to see so many conflicts and pain rise between the Killjoys and inside the Killjoys themselves. Now it had become a burden watching over the pair's absolutely boring lives. There was no 'surprises', and beating Kobra couldn't get Korse as much pleasure as before. Part of it was because that Kobra had stopped fighting Korse. Instead, he took it all in silence, whatever Korse did to him. And Party had stopped shouting or begging like a desperate man, too. Korse was completely convinced that the ultimate black liquid was a failure, though. It was meant to give some form of physical changes to Kobra. Korse got a call from the Master a few days ago, blaming him for the slow progress on the prisoners. He apologised for it and further defended himself by claiming that the drug hadn't taken any effects on Kobra. If he couldn't do anything about it, then the Master would want to take over the case herself. Korse blamed the two Killjoys for everything. He was so fed up with them. Why couldn't they behave just as normal rebels did? Why did they have to be extra tough or resistant to certain drugs?

 

5:11 pm, cells

Kobra brought a hand to his temple. He was having a slight headache now. Too many questions to be answered, too many pieces of information to be processed, and the clock was ticking, making its way towards 6pm. What should he do? Was he expected to do anything at all? He was pretty sure that the piece of paper wasn't a joke. But how was, well, whoever was coming, going to fight four Dracs and Korse at the same time? It was like a suicide mission.  
He stole a very quick look at Party for the first time since he was injected by Korse, not wanting his brother to notice his unusual action.  
Party was tapping his fingers on the floor, non-intentionally. If this was the used-to-be Party, he could have been thinking about the the next running for supplies, or even just one of the little tunes from the old-day My Chem.  
Party didn't seem to know anything about the secret plan. Was it a good or bad thing? Kobra didn't know, and he didn't want to know, either. His temples were throbbing as the time got closer and closer. Who was it that was coming to save them both, dragging the defenceless pair out of the prison, while shooting at the Dracs and Korse? At the same time Kobra's heart beat faster as he was about to meet someone he probably knew.  
He secretly tested his own body and limbs. His rib still hurt. He couldn't run too fast. But other than that he felt pretty good to escape. Of course, if he had his raygun back he would felt even better.

 

6pm, cells

'You going to be obedient this time?'  
Kobra was a bit surprised that only three Dracs came to his cell this time. Had the rebels put down the other one? He wasn't given much time to think about it before his mouth was forced open brutally and food being shoved down from his throat. Kobra quickly recovered from the involuntary coughs which he had been too good dealing with.  
The three Dracs had just finished the process when Korse appeared from behind the cell door, hands gently clasped behind his back.  
'What happened to the other one?' Korse frowned and demanded.  
'He's not here, Sir.'  
'Oh yes, I can see that, you dumbass. Where the fuck is it?'  
'The Master wanted me to tell you that she had brought it away for a special reprogramming.'  
'I don't need someone to take away my Dracs, not even the Master.' Korse cursed and spit on the floor.

Kobra watched in amazement, his eyes widened. He didn't know that Korse had negative feelings on his own boss. Was Korse even allowed to do that? From a corner of his eye he caught Party turning towards him and had noticed the unusual things happening around Kobra's cell.  
Kobra was a bit worried now. At least ten minutes had passed since 6pm, then why the rebels hadn't shown up yet? Had they already failed and got themselves caught on their way here? Were they even alive or shot dead?  
Kobra got to his feet and leaned against the wall. He had to be prepared for running if he had to. He stared down at the floor, fearing that his own eyes might give him away to Korse, again.

'And by the way, it's brought to LAS Vegas.' The same Drac burst out from the silence.

LAS Vegas.  
It hit home.  
The oh so familiar term. The sweet term was first used by Kobra himself to hide the initial LAS signal. He still remembered how the other Killjoys had laughed about it. Kobra's head snapped up in a sudden and looked towards Party. He knew that it was time. Party gave him an instant but shallow smile and got to his feet, too. He kind of got what was happening now. He wasn't really sure about it, but one thing he never doubted was that he had always trusted Kobra. All these reactions happened in for what felt like a millisecond, and the other two Dracs also moved at exactly the same moment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra and Party were finally rescued, but how about the drug still in Kobra?

'Jet, you get them out of here! Move Kobra, move!' Fun shouted, aiming his raygun at Korse's chest. The alarm of the prison was activated, and soon there would be lots of Dracs coming in this way. They hadn't got much time.  
'Long time no see, Ghoul. How are ya rebels doing?' Korse smiled, ignoring the raygun.  
'What did you do to them?' Ghoul demanded.  
'Or you would like to ask what I did to HIM?' Korse replied in an incredibly easy tone. Ghoul frowned, 'what do you mean by him? Party?'  
'Oh, hell, no! How do I dare to touch the infamous Fun Ghoul's lover?'  
Ghoul's voiced dropped icy cold, 'save your words and keep it short. What did you do to Kobra, then?'  
'Things I normally do to normal rebels, beating him, torturing him.....'  
'And while Party's watching, am I right?'  
'Absolutely correct.'  
Ghoul's index finger tightened on the trigger, his teeth clenched.  
'Whoa, whoa, not yet, Fun. Don't you want the antidote?' Korse's lips twisted into a wicked grin, hoping the grin would cover up his slowly building-up anxiety threatening a furious Fun Ghoul with the antidote of a drug he no longer thought working.

'Wh....what?'  
Korse smirked further, 'dear Kobra has a lethal liquid in his system and if he doesn't......'  
'Where is it?'  
'And I'm the only one holding it.....'  
Ghoul pressed the raygun to Korse's chest, hard, 'I'm not messing with you here. WHERE. IS. THE. ANTIDOTE?'  
'If you may please lower that thing and follow me?' Korse's mind relieved, knowing that he had secured the upper-hand. He let Ghoul grab the back of his neck, turn him around, and with a push, 'go!' he started to walk to the experimental room.  
'You better not play any trick.' Ghoul threatened.  
'Hey, Fun, we're going. They're already in the car. We don't have much time!' Jet shouted from far.  
'Just a minute, I'm getting Kobra's antidote!' Ghoul shouted back.  
'Kobra's what?' Jet asked, through thick raygun noises, while running towards Ghoul as he shot down three more Dracs. But more were still after him.  
'Jet, watch your back! And you, you'd better hurry up!' Ghoul shouted, firing at the floor beside where Korse was standing. A sparkling fire emerged from the floor with spilt chemical substance. Korse jerked back and took out a needle with the silver antidote in it, 'here it is.'  
'Hand it over!' Ghoul ordered. Jet had arrived at his side, shooting down as many Dracs as possible coming to Korse's aid.

Korse raised his arm and reached for what looked like a broken wire hanging from the ceiling.  
'So long and good night, again!' Korse said as he pulled the wire. The trap door under his feet snapped open, allowing Korse to disappear from the spot he had been standing a second ago.  
'And thank you for the fire!'  
Before Ghoul could realise and yelled 'no', the only dose of antidote was thrown into the fire and soon burnt into ashes where Ghoul had just shot on the floor.  
Ghoul blinked hard several times.  
'No!' He then cried out desperately. He couldn't believe that Korse had just escaped from him and that Kobra's antidote was gone forever more now. He raced forwards to the trap door, only to be held back by Jet's strong arms.  
'Fun, we've got to go. There're too many of them!'  
Ghoul tried to struggle free from Jet and protested, 'but you don't understand, that's the only......'  
'We need to go. It's now or never!' Cutting off Ghoul, Jet said firmly.

Back to the Trans AM, they saw Party and Kobra already in the car. Party was holding a raygun in case any Drac came close. Jet threw himself into the driver's seat while Fun got into the front seat, putting down three more Dracs that were running towards the car. Jet started the engine without saying a word, his foot slammed down the accelerator before the Trans AM speeded away.  
It was not until they were out of the City that Jet dared to slow down a bit. The dead silence apart from the raging engine had become unbearable over the hours.  
'Sorry, Kobra, Party told me things about the code so I used it. And Grace wouldn't stop being annoying unless I let her help.' Fun finally broke the silence. When Kobra didn't answer back at all, Fun looked into the side mirror then turned backwards. He reached out a hand to pat Kobra on the knee, but before he could barely touch it, Kobra jerked away abruptly as if he had been shocked by electricity.  
'I, I...uh..... I'm sorry, Kobra.' Fun's voice trailed off and he gave Party a questioning look. Party returned him with a sad look and shook his head slightly. Not now, Fun, just, not now.

Fun sighed and turned back, eyes staring at the desert in front of him. The sorry he felt for Kobra wasn't just because of the unintentionally attempt to touch Kobra's knee, but also the fact that he was responsible for the lost of the precious antidote, and God knew what the drug would do to Kobra. He secretly squeezed the two tapes he took from the computers in the experimental room as he didn't want to expose himself to BL/ind. Apart from Jet, the only witness of the incident, nobody was going to know about it until he was ready to reveal it himself.  
No further sound was made until they made it back to their hide-out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's got their own ordeal, not just Kobra and Party...........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update as frequent as before because I'm having my final exam recently until Friday and my high school life is pretty busy actually.

Kobra got off the car first and headed straight to his bedroom, ignoring Show Pony and Dr. Death's greetings. He even walked passed Grace's open arms without giving her a tiny nod, smile, or even a glance. Kobra was deprived of his trust in human. He didn't want anyone to touch him, talk to him, or ask him questions. When he entered the colourful bedroom he'd been living in for years, all he saw weren't those rebel posters but a mess of mixed paints spilling all over the walls. He got dizzy. Why couldn't it be white? Why wasn't it white? He frowned and tore his eyes from the bedroom walls and sat down on the edge of his bed. How many days it had been since he slept in a bed, and with quilt to keep him warm at night? His eyelids were now becoming heavier, but somehow he just couldn't quite sleep. He shifted to lie on his back, didn't bother to change his dirty and torn outfits.  
Slight throbbing returned to his head again. He assumed that he shouldn't think too much about the things that had happened to him these days. He just wanted to rest and be out of his own messed up thoughts for a while, was that even too much to ask for?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fun rushed to his room when no other people were in sight. He pulled out the bottom drawer and shoved the two tapes in it before pushing it back quickly. He stood in front of the drawer for a minute and reopened the drawer, tugging the one with himself and Korse deeply under his piles of shirts.  
'Fun, are you in there? Open up quickly I have something to ask yoooou....'  
Fun heard someone knocking on his door with the urgency he was too familiar with. As usual, Grace was just being Grace. He couldn't blame her for interrupting his own thoughts after the rescue. She knew nothing, and it was good for her. Fun couldn't help grinning and shaking his head slightly. Grace was probably the only person that was able to pull him out of any of his troubled thoughts and emotions at any time.  
The banging became louder, 'Fun, open the--no, open the door up or I will break in myself. Don't you pretend that you can't hear me!'  
Fun tilted his head up and rolled his eyes at Grace's refusing to swear and her comment to actually 'break in' the room, didn't notice the crack in Grace's voice at the end of the last sentence. He walked forwards and pulled open the door, 'Okay, okay, I'm coming. Don't shout.'  
Two watering eyes met Fun's gaze. Grace threw her arms around Fun's waist and started to sob. 'Why wouldn't Kobra even look at me? Have I done anything wrong? I was just happy that he was back, and I really missed him.......'  
Fun stood in shock for a few seconds before closing up the door first. He sat on his bed, pulled Grace into his arms and let her sit on his laps. 'There, there.......you didn't do anything wrong, okay? It's Kobra. He'd been through some terrible things out there in the City. He was not in the mood and he didn't react to any of our words, either.'  
'Really? What happened?' Grace blinked away her tears in understanding and Fun appreciated it, but soon found her question too difficult to answer.  
'I.....I...' A sense of unease washed over Fun. He knew that he was going to lie. He swallowed hard. Kobra was always the best being stoic, but Fun never was, not a tiny bit. 'I really don't know, Gracie.' Fun replied and tried to turn away, but he knew that nobody had ever escaped Grace's foretelling gaze, letting alone the fact that the unintentional use of the word 'really' had just given him in to Grace.

'You know one must not lie under any circumstances, Fun Ghoul.' Grace narrowed her eyes at the now feeling guilty Fun. 'Was that what teachers taught you at school? Not under any circumstances?' Fun asked weakly, avoiding answering Grace's previous question.  
'Absolutely correct.' Grace answered with a victorious smile.  
'Well, Grace, I'm telling you that you are not at school any more and those rules no longer fit.'  
'I know, Fun, but you're just finding excuses for yourself. You know something about Kobra, don't you?' Grace kept pushing. Fun cast his eyes to the ground, sighing long, and nodded. How could he bring himself to lie to a an innocent girl just like Grace? If it had been anyone else, he could have simply thrown the person out of his room and smashed the door closed instantly and not cared about anything. But this was Grace in the case.  
'Grace, can you just, give me a break? I promise that I will tell you sometime when I'm ready.' Fun said, almost in whisper. 'Please.' He added. It didn't seem right for Fun to say things like this, especially to a child. But he also knew that at least there feelings were keeping him alive, preventing him from being like a robot.  
To Fun's relief, Grace seemed to understand and she let go. She pulled herself to her feet and patted Fun on the shoulder, 'I trust you, Fun, and I will wait.' She then bounced out the room wearing a smile.  
'Thank you.......' Fun said to himself, watching Grace disappear from his sight.

He suddenly felt himself so weak and useless. Why couldn't he face it like a man, like a Killjoy? He hated to live in fear and guilt, but was there really a way for him to get out of all these? Could he just step out of his room and go telling Dr. Death, Party, or even Kobra himself that he had lost the precious antidote? And what would he say about Jet, the person that helped him covering up the thing? He hated himself for being such a coward and liar, but what more could he do? He slammed his fist towards the wall over and over again until it bled, until it hurt him enough to convince him that this was the totally undeniable reality, and that there was no escape from it. He stared at his fist, now covered in blood. He couldn't think straight right now.. Slumping down to the floor, he started to sob. And soon after he found himself actually crying hard into tears. He couldn't even remember the last time he cried, not to mention crying so hard like this. He buried his face in his palms and cried his way into sleep, not caring about the blood mixed into his tears that had stained his yellow jacket. Had the pressure of being a Killjoy finally gotten too much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I already have a rough frame how I am going to continue the story, I would love to see what you guys want to see in the story, and maybe I will take in some opinioins from you!  
> Big thanks for still enjoying my story! :)  
> I'll try my best writing! You guys are always my motivation!
> 
> Andri


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party's gonna tell his story to the rest of the rebels.........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry only updating today.  
> I've finished my final exams on all eight subjects.  
> Currently knowing that there's big chance I would fail my math.  
> (If anyone think himself good at math and can teach me.........XD)
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it and thanks for reading!

'What do you think is wrong with Kobra?' Dr. Death asked, sitting at the so-called dining table, which was actually a long, metal board usually served as an operation bed. All four Killjoys had lay on it because of countless injuries, and they healed. Injuries that could be dealt with on the metal board always healed. A broken bone, a laser blast, some stitches, it was just a matter of time.  
Fun and Jet exchanged a quick look then shook their heads. Fortunately nobody noticed it. They turned aside to Party for an answer. Really, apart from the antidote and force-feeding part, they didn't know a damned thing happened to Kobra before their arrival at the prison. Show raised an eyebrow across the 'table' at Party, who had been sitting quietly having his can of food without any facial expression. Party didn't seem to notice Dr. Death's question. He poked his food with his fork absent-mindedly. Dr. Death gave Show a little shrug and cleared his throat softly.

'I'm sorry, what did you just say?' Party looked up from his can and blinked several times.  
'Maybe we should talk about what's wrong with you first.' Show said under his breath before Dr. Death shot him a warning look.  
'Party, we're just asking if you know anything related to Kobra's current condition.......'  
Party knew that this was also a question like 'what happened back in there?' but wrapped in milder words.  
'I don't know what it is, I mean, it must be the injection but Kobra wouldn't tell me about it. I'm sure that Korse had said something to him and he started to tremble visibly, and he struggled, and he--' And he begged. Party held back his rushing words just in time to save the last shred of his brother's dignity. After all, Party had begged Korse for something, too.  
'Hey, we're not pressing you, you know? Just say what you want to say, and if you don't want to, we won't make you.' Jet laid a soothing hand on Party's shoulder.  
Party hung his head and closed his eyes. He really didn't want to be reminded of the things that had happened to him and Kobra in the BL/ind prison, but they deserved to be spoken out to someone, especially after all the wounds and scars Kobra had endured. All of the rebels should know that their hiding locations were kept safe because of Kobra. Korse's aim was to gain information from Party while he watched his brother suffer for him, but if Kobra gave in during the torture, it didn't matter, did it? Korse would still get what he want.  
Composing himself for a minute, Party finally looked up firmly, straight into the eyes of Dr. Death's.  
'I'm not the fucking hero you think, Kobra is.' Party said in an upset tone.  
'Come on, Party, listen......' Show tried to comfort the redhead.  
'No! You listen to me-' Party's fist connected with the metal board and the loud sound made everybody at the table jump. 'You fucking listen to me, have you ever wondered why I didn't have any wounds around my body? I tell ya, they didn't do anything to me, you get it? The son of a bitch did all the cruel things to Kobra, lots of beatings, insults, humiliation, and giving him no water for what, like five days, while making him bleed, sweat, or having fevers. And I was the one watching him struggling and screaming and trying to back away from Korse, only to be dragged back by the Goddamned Dracs. I was the one doing fucking nothing.' Party was panting from lashing out the words, almost at an angry pace.

Everyone just sat there, eyes wide, and saying nothing, because of Party's words, and because of his sudden emotional outburst.  
'You're just gonna sit there and stare at me like that? Well, that's all I know about the whole damned thing, probably not helping at all. But probably enough for your brains to take in and process through.'  
'No, Party, they aren't useless. At least we know what could possibly contribute to Kobra's illness, mentally and physically. And we could probably find a cure.' Being the first person to have a reaction, Fun replied softly. He kind of knew what Party was going to say at the first place. After all Korse did tell him that he tortured Kobra when Party was present. The guilt rose again from his core, especially when he mentioned the cure, and he tried to ignore it.  
'I'm sorry.....' Knowing that he had lost his temper, Party tried to apologise.  
Still, no-one continued to say anything even after Fun had broken the silence, even after Party's apology. Jet shifted his body and nodded awkwardly in reply, and Show turned to look at Dr. Death for further 'instructions'. For the first time, Dr. Death, who had spent most of his time broadcasting on radio, telling the rebels about all the false acts committed by the BL/ind, didn't know the appropriate words to put in. He really couldn't guarantee Party anything. He stared back at Show and frowned slightly.  
Party couldn't stand the weird and depressing atmosphere building up around him, no, because of him. He pushed his chair back, stood up, and kind of stormed out the dining area in shame, ignoring Fun's calling him back. Loud sounds were made as he pulled open his bedroom door and smashed it back close.

Party took off his shirt and threw it to the floor heavily.  
'You're angry.'  
Party jumped and drew in a sharp breath at the sudden and emotionless voice.  
Who could be in his bedroom? And did the person, or the thing, just ask him a question? Was it even a question or not?


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party accidentally broke into Kobra's room and discovered more things about Kobra.....

Party slowly turned to the direction that the voice had come from.  
'God, Kobra! What are you doing in my--'  
'Is it?' Kobra said in the same but unsual tone.  
Party looked around himself and found himself in Kobra’s room indeed. He was just too upset to notice that he had entered the wrong bedroom. Party just stood there and looked at his little brother, who was lying on the bed, fully dressed. He didn’t seem to be sleeping when Party broke in accidentally.  
‘Kobra……, I didn’t mean to break in like this. I’m sorry. I‘ll leave you alone……’ Party said as he turned to his back and was ready to leave. He walked towards the door and put his hand on the handle. Suddenly, something hit his mind. He tore his hand away from the handle and turned abruptly to face Kobra.  
‘Wait, did you just talk to me?’ Party asked, raising an eyebrow. He couldn’t even believe that he was actually asking Kobra the question, after so many days that Kobra had refused to talk to him, or even look at him. But undeniably, Kobra himself did say the few words to Party a few minutes ago. Kobra nodded slightly and switched back to his ‘mute’ mode. Still, nothing changed on his face. Party tried a few times more, and still gained nothing audible from the blonde. Kobra wasn’t a talkative person from the first place, nor was he an emotional person at all. Party supposed that he was just still trapped in the trauma of being tortured and injected with the unknown liquid, and that it had reinforced his original personality to its ultimate.  
'Kobra, please, what is it? Give me a sign, at least? You’ve just talked, just, let them out, no matter what they are.' Party sat down gently on the bed beside Kobra's waist.

'You know what it is.' Kobra finally gave in, his eyes staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t scared of facing his brother, and he didn’t know why. Sadness, confusion, disappointment, he didn’t feel any particular things. He was numb to feelings, and he thought it was because of his PTSD. He didn’t want to see his brother’s face, he simply didn’t want to.  
'No, I don't. Not until you tell me.' Party said as tenderly as he could.  
Kobra sat up slightly and leaned his upper torso against the headboard, closing his eyes, and inhaled deeply before letting out a sigh.  
'I'm just, tired, from everything.'  
Party knew that it wasn’t everything, but he knew better than to press harder on his brother at the point. Rest, then. You’ll feel better.’ Party whispered.  
‘Insomnia is killing me. Even when I sleep, I have nightmares.’  
Nightmares and insomnia. Nowhere near the injection, but it was a progress, at least. Party could see Kobra’s blood-shot eyes when he reopened them. He missed the eyes Kobra used to have, so bright and clear just like water reflecting the sparkling sunlight, full of energy and power. God, he missed them so much, but now he guessed that he was never going to see them again. He needed a miracle. Well, more than a miracle. He needed lots.

‘Ah….’ A soft groan from Kobra pulled Party out of his own thoughts. Kobra’s hands were on both of his temples. Party frowned. Kobra had never told him that he got headaches, too. And judging from the situation Kobra was in, the headache was not just a normal one. He knew too well that Kobra never showed any signs of pain unless it really hurt bad.  
‘What’s the matter, Kobra? Are you okay?’ Party asked, worried sick. Party told himself that this definitely wasn’t the first time Kobra had his headache after the rescue.  
‘It’s……it’s becoming worse…..’ Kobra managed to reply a few words through his clenched teeth.  
‘What can I do? You want me to get Dr. D?’  
‘No, no Dr. D, please…….’  
Party frowned again. His brother was still as stubborn as before, wouldn’t let anyone help him. Party watched his brother in pain, and again, there was nothing he could do, even when they were both out of the prison. Kobra had sat up completely, his eyes tightly shut, his teeth clenched, his panting quickened, trying to prevent further pathetic noises slipping from his lips. Sweat was dripping down his face.  
Party watched in horror. He wasn’t sure if he was still going to listen to his brother, not getting Dr. D for a look. Ten minutes had past and Kobra was not getting any better. Party stood up from the bed and rushed out of the room. 

‘Doctor, there’s something wrong. He’s not good. You need to come with me!’ Party rushed to the dining area and ignored other Killjoys and Show. Dr. D must see this, he might get something out of it. And most of all, Kobra really needed a doctor. Fun and Jet immediately got to their feet but were stopped by Dr. Death, ‘You two stay here with Show,’ he commanded. The two sat back down reluctantly as Dr. Death followed Party back to Kobra’s room.  
‘You say he’s having a bad headache?’ Dr. D asked, carefully.  
‘Yes, really bad. And he said that it was getting worse.’ Party replied. What was that even supposed to mean? Getting worse from where? Kobra always had the ability to endure severe pain.  
‘And I can hear that.’ Dr. D said as they both heard Kobra groaning in his bedroom.  
‘It’s not looking good, God, why is this corridor so long?’ Dr. D cursed and they quickened up their speed.  
And all of a sudden, the groan died down.  
‘What the hell?’ Party cursed. Apart from their own hurrying footsteps, it became unusually quiet, and actually a bit scary. Nobody knew what had happened in the bedroom. Had Kobra just passed out, or--, Party didn’t dare thinking about the worst thing possible as he pulled open the bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, comments? Love to hear whatever things from you guys.  
> I admit I'm being cruel on Kobra, but not as cruel as Korse, right? :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun tried to tell the truth but would he succeed?

Kobra was in his bed, fast asleep, making not even the slightest noise. Party's eyes widened, was he dreaming about the whole headache thing? Nothing in the room showed any evidence of a person who was groaning and having a bad headache a few seconds ago.  
'What the fuck?' Party said, looking at Dr. Death.  
'You tell me, I don't know!' Dr. Death replied back with a shrug.  
'No, no, no, I'm sure he wasn't like this, or I wouldn't rush to you.......' Party scratched the back of his neck, still couldn't quite comprehend the situation.  
'Does he sleep, or.....pass out every time after his headache?' Dr. Death asked.  
'I don't know. This is new to me, just as you, Doctor. Kobra has never told me about it!'  
Dr. Death frowned. Now he could only assume that passing out has something to do with the headache. And one thing for sure, the headache wasn't just a normal symptom of PTSD.

Someone was knocking the door furiously. 'Hey, you two, is Kobra alright? You've been quiet for a bit too long!'  
Party rolled his eyes. Fun just couldn't wait, could him? He didn't have time to think up a proper explanation before Fun pulled the door open himself.  
'Either of you tell me what this is?' Fun pointed at the figure on the bed.  
'Look, Fun, he was like this when we opened the door and we don't have a clue why this is happening. The second he was in pain and groaning, and the next he was like this, and completely still.'  
Fun's heart raced faster. Could it have anything to do with the black liquid in Kobra's system? No physical damages done by Korse could have such an effect, could they? It seemed to Fun that the only possibility was the drug, which was miserable to believe.  
Should I tell them now? Should I tell them the truth? I couldn't hide it forever, but how was I supposed to tell them? They all thought that they could always have a good preparation and go back to the prison to get the antidote, but it had gone long before, God, because of me. Was Kobra going to be like this for the rest of his life, going constantly in and out of his consciousness? Was this how Korse really wanted Kobra to be? What good was that to leave him like that than just simply killing him? To make Party suffer? How many possibilities did I expect myself to cover? There would always be more.

'What, Ghoul? Anything ringing a bell?' Dr. Death's voice broke the silence and interrupted Fun's thoughts.  
Fun tilted his head up abruptly, feeling the heat wave shot to his face.  
'Erm......yes, no........ no, I mean, nothing.' Seriously, Fun could feel himself blushing.  
Dr. Death raised a questioning brow and smirked while Party gave him a suspicious look. Fun was really a bad liar. He had ruined everything for himself, and he wished that he could just disappear from where he was standing.  
'Fun Ghoul, don't try to fool me around. You know it won't work.' Dr. Death lowered his voice, which made Fun take a step backwards.  
'I....I can't tell you, Doctor.' Fun made sure that he sounded as calm as possible.  
'Will you tell me, then?' Party asked.  
God, couldn't Party be just a bit more helpful and shut the fuck up? Why did he has to team up with Dr. Death now?  
Fun was left with no choice but to nod weakly. Dr. Death smirked again and made his way to the door, 'You two are not going to escape if you try to play some ridiculous games.'

'So-' Party said, 'what is it that you didn't dare telling Dr. Death?'  
Fun didn’t know how to reply. He wasn’t prepared to answer Party’s question yet.  
‘I wasn’t going to tell you, either……’ Fun let his voice trailed off. What more could he say? He was the one who should be responsible for everything.  
‘Well, no use hiding it up, is it? Tell me when you are ready, Fun.’ Party tried to be as gentle as he could, but it sounded to Fun that Party was only pushing him for the truth. Fun inhaled and exhaled deeply.  
‘Party, I……I’m…..I’m sorry……I shouldn’t have hidden this up for so long…….’ Fun tried his best not to tremble in his voice.  
‘You’ve got to believe me……..I‘ve tried to tell you but I just couldn’t. I’m afraid……..’Fun knew he sounded absolutely pathetic, but he currently he didn’t have any control over it.  
‘Stop it, Fun. I believe you and there’s nothing to be afraid of.’ Party tried to sooth and encourage the other Killjoy.  
‘But you don’t know what I am going to tell you. You gonna be furious……..I….I...’ Fun felt tears in his eyes, and he got the feeling that he was going to sob.

A tiny sound was made from the figure on the bed. Party and Fun stopped their ‘conversation’ and looked across to the bed. Kobra shifted his body and slowly woke up. Fun secretly thanked him for waking up just in time to save him from the most awkward situation he encountered in his life, yet worried about how he was going to deal with it the next time it happened. Party made his way towards the bed and sat down.  
‘Kobra, you okay? How’s your headache?’  
‘I’m fine. Thanks for asking.’ Kobra didn’t seem to get the hint.   
‘Erm….did you remember……when you suddenly didn’t groan anymore?’ Party asked carefully.  
Fun’s eyes widened. What the heck were they actually talking about?  
‘Suddenly didn’t groan, what do you mean?’ Surprisingly, Kobra didn’t seem to notice any of his unusual behaviours.  
‘Well, you don’t know it? You were groaning painfully because of your fucking headache and suddenly you just fucking stopped and fell asleep, or past out, whatever it was, and you said you didn’t know any of these?’  
‘It’s been weird, actually. I always remember that worst part, which was the headache and then I forget all the things after that and wake up don’t even remembering how I fall into sleep.’ Kobra recalled.  
‘And you haven’t let anyone know about this.’ Party continued.  
Fun just stood there and watched the whole thing happened. He knew he didn’t have a place in that conversation. Kobra stayed silent.  
‘Take that as a yes, then.’ Party said to himself. ‘And don’t think that it’s just from your PTSD, Kobra. Believe me, it’s more than that. We just haven’t figured it out, but we will. And Fun-’ Party turned to look Fun straight into his eyes, ‘I’ll deal with you some time.’  
Fun cast his eyes down, avoiding Party’s icy look. He felt the coldness shot through his spine and almost froze him where he was standing. All he could do was nod, again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra's pov with more of his PTSD symptons and emotions......

Dear Diary,

I’ve been secretly keeping this since I came back from the prison. I don’t want to talk too much, so I write. This is the only way for me to let out my emotions. It’s been an even harder time back with the rebels. I feel every of my motions watched by others, although I know that they are just worried about me. I hate it that everybody has to spend so much energy, time, and medical supplies on me. Unless they get back the antidote, all the effort goes to waste. They will get the antidote back, won’t they? Once I am healed, I can go back out and put down as many Dracs as I wish, with the rebels. And I’m going to blow up Korse’s head myself, for he had hurt my big brother so much. Once I am healed, they don’t have to worry about me anymore. They can go putting on a massive show saving the whole damned world from the hands of the BL/ind.

Time to stop the nonsense. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? On each of the pages I start with a whole paragraph dreaming about the things that won’t possibly happen in a short time.  
I got the worsened headache again, and this time in front of Party. God, I never planned to let him know, but the pain was almost too much to take. I remembered feeling my head cracking, like somebody swinging a hammer at it, but I didn’t remember falling into sleep, though. The next thing I saw was my endless nightmare that had haunted me every single night after coming back to the hideout. 

Korse was there, back in the cell, stun gun in one hand, his sharp blade in the other. Besidemy cell, Party had gone. I always woke up wondering where he had gone. I didn’t know who I was suffering all this torture for. And the thought frustrated me a lot, leaving me wanting to die, wanting to surrender to Korse, wanting to tell him anything that could possibly end my pain. Even if that meant putting a bullet through my head, I’d welcome it.  
The first time in the nightmare, I was determined enough to hold myself still and take Korse’s torture. And that was when I woke up, feeling that I was going to pass out because of the intensifying pain, and then I woke up straight into reality. As the nightmare reoccurred, I found myself being weaker and weaker, and my will to stay silent had slowly faded away. Today, it was the first time that I couldn’t take it anymore. I remembered clearly asking Korse to stop hurting me. And he stopped instantly. ‘It’s not that difficult, isn’t it?’ That was what he said. I felt guilt building up deep in my heart. I supposed I woke up with a disappointed groan, disappointed at my own surrender to Korse. The nightmare seemed to last forever but was actually seconds in real life. And then Party, Fun, and Dr. Death were there, right in front of me. I told them that I was fine, but actually I was not. Not at all. And they knew it, too.

They left. I walked to the mirror and looked into it. I couldn’t even believe it that the figure in the mirror was, actually, me. I lost some of my blonde hair, my eyes were blood-shot, and my face was paler than usual, paler than that of a ghost. I shook my head. I’d watched myself changing so much. Was that PTSD thing supposed to change my physical appearance as well? Korse’s words returned to my mind, the words he said to me before the injection. They made me shiver even now. If he would stop the injection, I would even beg again, no matter what he wanted, I would give him.

‘Hello, Kobra. Grace sends me to see you.’  
I didn’t have to reply, so I didn’t. I slowly turned to look at Jet then proceeded to walk back to my bed and sat down.  
‘She wants me to bring you a surprise, from her.’  
I stared at Jet. Surprise? Grace had a surprise for me? Well, sorry, I was not in the mood waking up from a bad nightmare and showing my weaknesses right in front of my own brother, Dr. Death, and Fun. Yet again, this was Jet, and this surprise was from Grace. I couldn’t upset her…..upset them, could I? Jet slowly revealed the thing he was holding from behind his back and shook it a bit, ‘your favourite can of drink, Kobra!’  
Hell, no! Not the can, never! I stared at the can in total horror, ‘no…..no….Jet, don’t….take it away….’  
‘Hey, you are really sick, aren’t you? You don’t even want your favourite drink. What the hell is wrong with you?’ Jet asked, didn’t seem to take my reactions seriously. Broken pieces of memories flashed through my mind. I could feel the thirst for water and the burning liquor rising deeply from my throat, threatening to take over me and my sense of control. I could hear Korse laughing, eyes eagerly staring at me in anticipation. Party was making noises telling me to stop drinking, but I just couldn’t care much at the point……..  
‘Just…..I don’t want it…now……Jet…may you…take it away….?’ My voice was definitely trembling. Great, now even Jet was going to be suspicious and surely he was going to ask Party about this some time. He was standing in the same spot, in the same body position, not edging the can towards me, yet not taking it away, either. God, was he tried to hurt me or what? A sudden thought came to my mind. Could I even trust this man standing in front of me? It’s scary when you thought about it. Friends, or enemies, I couldn’t tell anymore.

A Still Alive Kobra Kid,  
Dates don’t matter / 2019, California


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to reveal the true purpose of the injection, guys. Basically, Fun's in trouble as you can imagine.

Fun was pacing back to the hideout. He was on duty today for the patrolling. He had parked the white, stolen, BL/ind bike outside the hideout. There was no killings so far today, and that was pretty rare because the BL/ind always sent spies around the area. Fun's raygun lay silently in the holster, shining and unstained. Fun had almost forgotten the feeling not beginning a day patrolling without killing. He hated to kill, to use his gun, even when the targets were always some Dracs. 'Dracs were all once human.' That was what he always thought. He was even smiling a bit to himself, walking into the hideout when Party grabbed his collar and threw him to the nearest wall violently.

'Jesus, Party, what the--'  
'As if you are the one asking! Is this what you have not been able to tell me?' Party shouted into Fun's face, in his hand he held a videotape. Jet and Show wanted to rush to their side, but were held back by Dr. Death. Grace went hiding behind a chair. It was definitely not a good time getting in trouble with a furious Party Poison.  
'Fun Ghoul, why the hell do you have this BL/ind tape in your goddamned drawer?' Party kept pushing, the same hand holding the tape gripped tighter around Fun's throat. Fun closed his eyes. He wasn't able to reply. He was even having problems with his own breathing.  
'Look at me and answer the fucking question, Ghoul!' Party shook Fun's body back and forth, not caring that Fun's head constantly connected with the wall painfully.  
Fun opened his eyes and was panting fast. He struggled against Party's grip and was trying desperately to get some oxygen into his system.  
'Party, we don't want Ghoul killed, do we?' Dr. Death cut in just about time Fun feeling himself going to black out. Party released Fun reluctantly, letting him fall down against the wall, coughing furiously, 'I am not so sure yet, Doctor. If he's a fucking rat then I'm going to shoot him right between his fucking eyes.'  
Fun shivered at the words. Was he a rat? Could he even be claimed one, with his behaviours back in the prison? Fun still had no idea which one of the two tapes Party had gotten. Perhaps it was just the first, unimportant one without himself in it, or Party would have taken out both tapes by now.  
'We'll watch it first. No, you aren’t going anywhere, you hear me? I'm not finished with you.'  
Fun, along with Dr. Death, Jet, and Show sat back in the chairs while Party played the tape. Fun could only pray that the tape was the first one. Anything would be better than him losing the antidote anyway.

Lights appeared on the screen, and then there was the white experimental room. A white figure, which was Korse, made his way towards a safe. Behind Korse followed an obedient Drac.  
Fun secretly exhaled in relief, knowing that Party had only found the first tape. But he soon tensed up again as Korse took out a black syringe carefully. After all the tape still had something to do with the injection, didn't it? God, I was innocent, I knew nothing about this, I swore. You guys had got to believe me....... Fun stole a look at the other two Killjoys. Jet fixed his eyes on the screen, but Party just happened to meet Fun's eyes. Fun's heart raced and he cast his eyes away towards the floor, which only made Party more suspicious.  
When Korse started to talk to the Drac, the Killjoys frowned. It was the language especially used between BL/ind staff. Dr. Death's eyes widened. He understood a little of this language from hacking the BL/ind radio frequency all the time. The Killjoys looked at him for translation. Fun was in a dilemma. He sort of wanted to find out more about the injection, yet he knew that the more they discovered, the more troubles he had gotten himself into.  
'Pause, Party! Pause the tape! Reverse it a bit!' Dr. Death's voice made everyone jumped, especially Fun. And Dr. Death started with his translation.

'Our medical......spent years and.....money....., and they made this one and only drug. Isn't it beautiful, I mean, the thing the drug will cause?'  
The Drac nodded in response.  
'And I hold the only dose of...... Nobody has tried.....before....... So Kobra the Killjoy......be the first one then. I expect so much from him....... I can even tell that......would be worth it!'  
Korse paused for a second, 'I don't think I would need......though.'  
'But before all these.....happen, ' Korse put the syringe back and closed the safe, 'we have other things to expect, don't we?' Korse patted the Drac on the shoulder as they left the room. Korse whispered something to himself which didn't sound clear to Dr. Death.

'Party, volume up and reverse!' The simple order was carried out swiftly. Fun had literally frozen in his chair by now. His ever-building-up anxiety had now become visible through his physical reactions as the tape went again.  
A few seconds after the sentence was finished, Dr. Death asked Party to do the same thing again. And the same procedure was repeated for a third time when the volume had reached its highest. Dr. Death wanted Party to stop the tape this time. He seemed to sink in deep thoughts as he closed his eyes, not saying a further word. Jet waited in unease, Party seemed to have lost his patience, and Fun wished that he could just stand up and run away from this suffocating place.  
'Doctor, what did he say?' Party finally asked after what seemed to be forever. Dr. Death shook his head and sighed, 'you Killjoys have better be prepared, and that includes you, Ghoul.' Dr. Death made sure that his words were heard clearly by everyone. Fun swallowed real hard and bit down his lip. He already sensed something extremely awful waiting for him, Jet and Party, and Kobra, too.  
'Listen up for this.' Dr. Death paused before revealing his final translation.

'It won't take long. And I believe that mentally and physically, Kobra will make a perfect SCARECROW.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys think about the injection, turning Kobra into a SCARECROW?  
> Thanks for reading again as it reaches 500, means a whole lot to me!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party's reactions towards Fun and the tape......

Fun felt the whole room spinning. He was definitely going to faint and fall down if he had not been sitting in a chair. The BL/ind was turning Kobra physically and mentally into a CROW? And the only dose of antidote was gone. Was it just a matter of time before Kobra became a cold-hearted murder machine for the BL/ind? Was that it? Fun so much wished that he had heard Dr. Death wrong, but judging from the facial expressions of the other Killjoys and Show, clearly he didn't. He gripped his own chair tighter to steady himself and he reopened his eyes to see Party right in front of him.  
'How.....how did you find....the...the....' Fun couldn't even finish his sentence.  
'How did I find out the tape? Oh, thanks to Grace, who was bored enough to try to seek out something new to play with!' Party pointed the chair where Grace was hiding.  
Grace appeared from behind the chair with tears welling up in her eyes. 'Sorry, Ghoul, I, I didn't know......'  
'Oh so now you're apologizing to Ghoul? How about me, how about Kobra?' Party asked as if Grace was mature enough to take in his far too harsh words.  
Grace had never seen Party acting like this before, so she panicked. She just didn't want to upset anyone. She was crying loudly now, saying sorry to everyone in the room then she ran through the long corridor, shouting sorry at Kobra's tightly shut door, and disappeared into her own room.

'You've scared her.' Show frowned and whispered softly while looking at Party. Party didn't seem to regret his words at all. Instead, he proceeded on questioning Fun.  
'Why the fuck did you hide it, huh? Why?' His voice was icy cold, just like when he was talking to a stranger. Fun felt his hair on the back of his neck standing.  
'I don't.....don't know anything about.....about the tape....'  
'And that's the problem. You still took it, why was that?' Party was almost leaning on Fun on his chair, his shadow cast over Fun's entire upper torso.  
'I.....I.....I can't....I'm not a rat.....I will ne.....never betray you....... P-Please, Party, I ......I didn't have a choice......' Fun really didn't know what more he could say. Party wouldn't listen anyway. He knew that Jet must be looking at him sadly. There was nothing Jet could do to help Fun, unless he admitted that he was there, too. And Fun didn't want Jet to do that for his own sake.

'Enough of all this, you two!' Dr. Death came separating the two Killjoys angrily. 'You think it's a good time for splitting up now? At least we still have a chance to get the antidote back for Kobra.' Dr. Death continued.  
A tiny inner voice suppressed the now desperate Fun's urge to shout out that the antidote was also gone, too. Come on, guys, you would be only wasting your time. You would never have the antidote back. It had been burnt already, burnt down to fucking ashes.  
The truth was going to be found out eventually, so why not now? He knew that Party might just kill him with his bare fists, but if that was going to make him feel better, Fun would allow him to do just that. He just wanted Party to feel better. That was all he cared.  
'Ghoul, you think you're getting away that easily? No, not until you answer my question properly!' Party said as he launched himself towards Fun again. Fun fell to the floor on his back. He closed his eyes, waiting for the punch in his face. A tiny noise emerged from the corridor attracted Fun's attention. Before Party's fist could connect with his face, he opened his eyes quickly, 'did you hear something?' Fun asked as he screwed his eyes shut again and prepared himself for the blow.

'Oh, shut up, Ghoul, stop changing the topic!' Party replied impatiently, but held his fist still in the air and listened.  
'It's Kobra. I have to go check on him. You get your luck today, Ghoul, now get your sorry ass off the floor.'

'BL/ind.......kill Party Poison.......the Master..... Dracs.... blow up the rebels' nest.....' Kobra's eyes were tightly shut, his body writhing slightly on the bed.  
'The goddamned nightmare again.' Party whispered.  
'Did he just say to kill you and to blow up the hideout?' Show asked, and Party returned him with a vicious look which immediately shut him up and made him cover his mouth with his palm.  
'We've got to wake him up.' Dr. Death said to Party. Party nodded softly and patted Kobra gently on the shoulder. 'Kobra, Kobra, wake up. It's okay, you're with me. Nobody's going to hurt you.'  
Kobra slowly opened his eyes and jumped a little bit as he saw they were all in his room, and beside his bed, 'no, Party, not me. The Company is going to hurt you, and the other rebels, not me......'

'Pretty bad nightmares, huh, Kobra?' Dr. Death asked in a hoarse voice. Kobra smiled awkwardly and nodded.  
'Look, Kobra, we are here, right before your eyes, alive and unafraid. Don't you worry about us. Just, close your eyes, and sleep. Everything will be fine.' Party knew that he must sound silly. He tried his best to sooth his brother although he knew that things were actually heading the other way around. It was impossible expecting everything to be fine in this post-apocalypse dessert with the entire BL/ind being their enemy, letting alone the unbearable truth that Kobra was going to be transformed into a CROW eventually.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra's pov as the symptons of the liquid developed into more severe ones.

Dear Diary,

I was lying on my bed, awake. I didn't know why, but I just didn't feel like getting up. I heard the noise outside. I knew that they were watching the tape. Party sounded furious and was shouting at, Fun, I assumed. And then Grace just came shouting sorry at my door. So I kind of knew that they had found out the thing about me.  
There's no point keeping on hiding it now. That's it. I'm going to become a CROW if they can't get the antidote.  
'How about turning you into an ultimate SCARECROW and you go kill them for me? You don't have to suffer the pain anymore, would that be easier for you?' That was exactly what Korse said to me before he injected me with the black liquid despite my begging. I begged, and you should know that there was a reason, a definitely huge one.

They knew it, and what had been done was done. I didn't want them to keep arguing over this case. Really, it sort of made me feel guilty.  
I heard someone fall to the ground and Party seemed to be hitting him, I was not sure. But whoever the person might be, I certainly didn't want anyone to get hurt at this critical time. Our size was already too small compared to that of the BL/ind. I had to come up with a way to stop this. I had to make up for the mess I had caused. So this was what I did, simply saying out things that first came to my mind and pretended that I was having a nightmare. And it worked. Party had come to check on me and asked me about it.  
I didn't realise what I had actually said until Show reminded Party, 'Did he just say to kill you and blow up the hideout?' It scared the shit out of me. These were the things that first came to my mind?

'They are going to kill you........not me....' I remembered that it was how I explained my fake 'nightmare' to Party, and also, to find an excuse for myself, to shift the blame completely to the nightmare. How could I even say that? Was the liquid taking effects? Was it putting such things into my subconscious? I knew that these days my imagination had gone wild because I kept hearing the BL/ind instructions to kill the rebels in my mind. I tried to ignore them, but it was getting harder and harder. It was like.....like they were actually brain-washing me. I fought to remain the same as much as I could. I shut my eyes tightly and then reopened them, and the voice would disappear. Sometimes I would pinch myself real hard on the lap, that way the pain would remind me of what the reality should be like.  
But saying out what the voice told me to do, come on, was it even real? Did I just do that, saying that I was going to kill my own big brother? It couldn't be! I needed to pretend that it was just a nightmare.  
'Pretty bad nightmares, huh, Kobra?' That was why I felt so uncomfortable when Dr. Death asked. It wasn't a nightmare at all. It was much worse, and it was reality. It was really happening. Physically I had noticed that my hair had grown back, but in the colour of black, and that my skin was becoming rough. Mentally, I thought this was how it kicked start, and it could easily go worse anytime.

When they were gone, I composed myself and thought about this all over again from the beginning. It was horrifying because the signs that I considered being caused by my PTSD were in fact signs caused by the lethal black liquid. Feeling numb to the people I lived with for almost my entire life, distrusting them, interpreting their good intentions into bad ones, nightmares and insomnia, they were all caused by the liquid. They were slowly changing me into a person that I had no longer known, without my noticing. I realised that the real, dark side of the Company was not the things they physically did to me, but those mental damages. It was their ultimate goal of the whole plan.  
Oh, no, I need to cross out the word 'Company', for I am not a member of them at all! Normally we call them the BL/ind, but just seconds ago, I used the word 'Company', unconsciously. My God, I'm afraid that my theory of the liquid's effects on me was correct. I've got to control myself as much as I can while I am still able to.

I still have that nightmare of Korse hurting me every night I sleep. I used to think that the hardest part of my recovery was to let go of my dreams, but now, with all my heart, I hope it to stay as long as it could. It's ridiculous, insane and, pathetic, isn't it? Who would want a haunting nightmare to last forever?  
But unfortunately, that is just the case for me. The nightmare, at least, reminds me of who I'm working for, and against.  
If the worst thing happens, then there will be a day when I will not be able to write these pages anymore. There will be a day when I will lose complete control over my mind, and I'm afraid that I will eventually end up hurting someone in the hideout. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel ....I think.....I may as well kill myself first.

K.K.  
(Still alive but falling into pieces)  
2019, California

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, first of all, thanks for continuing reading this.
> 
> Sadly to say, if I cannot finish this by the end of this month, I'm afraid that I will have to leave it till at least February next year, after I finish my entrance test to university, because I need to prepare for the test from August.  
> In the mean time, I promise I will try my best to finish it without rushing and ruining it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun finally let out the thing he'd been hiding for long, so did Jet......

‘Look alive, sunshine! This is No.2 branch of WKIL 109 FMX. We have currently confirmed the rumour that Korse the Exterminator was executed by the Master because of the lack of efficiency on gaining sufficient information………’  
Dr. Death suddenly stood up from his sit, ‘Quiet, everyone!’  
‘Repeat, Korse the Exterminator was executed, Korse the Exterminator was executed....... We will keep you updated as soon as we find out more about the incident. This is No.2 branch of WKIL 109 FMX…….’  
Kobra was still resting in his room, although earlier today he was finally given permission by Dr. Death to leave his room for the first time since he came back. Party stared at Dr. Death in shock, couldn’t believe what he had just heard. They needed to get Kobra the precious antidote, and Korse just ‘happened' to be executed by the Master. This was a massive chance for them.  
Fun felt the familiar dizziness. He blinked several times and swallowed, his face already pale. Jet had observed all these reactions, but he could only shrugged back, barely visible. Fun watched the two excited men hugging each other in silence. Being the one always pulling pranks and making noises, he had not been this quiet for a long time. Hanging his head down, he just couldn’t believe that after ‘the tape incident’ few days ago, he had to deal with this so soon again.

'Don't go......please...' Fun implored.  
'Come on, Ghoul, grab your stuff and your raygun, we gonna hit the road! We gonna take back with us the damned antidote!' Party said to Fun in an incredibly light and easy tone, with some traces of happiness and relief, as if he was sure that the rebels could win the battle, and that the antidote did still exist. Couldn't blame him, though. He'd been so desperate all this time and now the hope had just been lit up again. Fun knew very well that Party would never give up on his own brother under any circumstances.  
'Hey, are you with me? You look lost. Cheer up, mate, we gonna blow up the whole fucking BL/ind HQ. Are you not excited, are you not happy for Kobra? Come on, don't be jealous.'   
Jesus, when was the last time Party made fun of others? When he was still in the band, before the bombing began? Fun looked back at Party and at the same time noticed from the corner of his eye that Jet just frowned a little bit. Numerous thoughts and choices flushing through Fun's mind, but they just passed by, and none of them really stood out.

'Just don't go...... Party, can I, tell you something.....?' It took Fun quite a lot of courage to ask this after what had happened last time in the similar situation. Fun so much wished that Party would get the hint and go somewhere private or whatever, doing something, but unfortunately, he didn't.  
'Sure as hell, what is it?'  
Damn it, did you really have to be like this? Couldn't you just be that normal, sane, and thoughtful Party Poison for a second? Fun cursed under his breath while quickly processing what he should do next. He just didn't want the same thing to happen again. He didn't want to disappoint anyone but he had no choice. No matter what he did, or doing nothing at all, he was going to hurt someone either way. He could only choose the one that would cause the least consequences. Finally he decided that anything would be better than others digging out the tape themselves from under his clothes in the drawer.  
'Just......wait a minute.' Fun took a deep breath and rushed to his room.

'What the hell is wrong with him?' Dr. Death suddenly turned around and asked Party. Show looked down from the corridor as far as he could and then shook his head.  
'God knows!' Party shrugged, but didn't seem to bother.  
Jet turned his face away to avoid any possible form of contact. He felt guilty, too. After all, others only knew that it was Fun who should be fully responsible for the tape incident.

'You're serious? Another tape?' Party asked, almost shouting. Dr. Death's eyes widened.  
'You mean this is indeed another tape from the experimental room? Man, tell me that you are only joking!'  
Fun bit down his lip hard, not saying a word. It was ridiculous, wasn't it? After hiding it for days, it was eventually the same person to hand out the tape to others. How did I come to this? Fun could taste his own blood now.  
'Come on, tell him!' Show encouraged, 'tell him that you are joking, aren't you?'  
Pause.  
'No. This is another one. And.....I'm afraid that you'll only be more furious.....and .......I messed up, I'm really sorry for what I've done, to Kobra, and to you all...... Do whatever you want to me....I....I'm not going anywhere unless.....unless you wanna kick me out.....' Fun's voice trailed off into a whisper.  
'Oh, I'll just watch it, for God's sake!' Party sat down and turned on the tape player.

Jet turned his face back, and the next thing he saw was Fun's head connected with the edge of the table as he was thrown to it brutally. Blood dripped from his face but Party wasn't ready to stop. Party spun Fun around and hit him in the stomach with savage blows. 'You could have shot him, you bastard! Why didn't you just fucking kill him?'  
Fun fell to his knees and gagged, choking back a rise of vomit in his throat. His eyes still couldn't refocus on the things around him because of the heat lightning set off seconds ago.  
'You're sorry, yeah, I bet you are, go ahead and tell Kobra that you are sorry, then. What more are you hiding from us, anything else, huh?'  
Kicks and blows rained down on Fun yet he took it. Not even Dr. Death's shouting could stop Party. Jet couldn't bear it anymore. He stepped forwards and gripped Party with his strong arms.  
'Stop, stop it, Party. It's not like this!'

'Get off me! Get your fucking arms off me!' Party struggled and raved.  
'No, it's you, Party, you need to stop. He's innocent, the antidote was still in Korse's hand, he couldn't just shoot him!' Jet finally burst out.  
'No-Jet, don't you--' Fun tried to stop Jet from getting himself hurt, too.  
'No, Fun, I've let you suffer enough. I couldn't just watch and let this happen.'  
Party stopped abruptly, eyes widened, 'what are you talking about?'  
'Party, I was there, and I knew it. Fun didn't do anything wrong. It's Korse, the son of a bitch was as sly as a fox.' Jet said, calmly.  
'You what?'  
'I was there. And I was afraid when you tried to hit Fun the other day. God, I'm a fucking coward.' Jet said as he closed his eyes, 'I'm sorry, Fun.....'  
'And you didn't fight back, or at least, say anything?' Party asked, his face was a mixture of pain and confusion.  
'You never asked....' Fun replied softly, 'and....it's my penance..... I'll go apologise to Kobra....'


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra left his room for the first time after coming back from the prison only to find that the antidote was lost......

'Ghoul......I didn't mean it when I said it, you know? It's not your fault that Korse got away.....' Party said with the embarrassment of losing his temper and for his irrational words.  
'I was just very...... upset..... Man, Kobra is my brother, and you know how much he means to me...... He's basically, the person that I will definitely give my life for if I need to.......'  
'Hey, it's okay. I don't mind.' Fun got to his feet and brushed away the dirt on his cloth, his other palm pressing on his head where he hit the table with a tablecloth Jet just handed to him.  
'But Kobra needs to know anyway, so I'll just go and tell him. After all, having all these in my mind and not letting them out is such a depressing thing..... Now you probably know why I just didn't know how to tell you before. But somehow you gave me the chances to....... Right then, end of this topic. You guys rest here, and I'm going.' Fun said as he turned around.

'Don't.'  
Fun stopped abruptly right in front of the corridor, jaw dropped, causing the rest of the rebels to look up towards the same direction.  
'Just.....don't. You don't have to.......' Kobra emerged from the dim corridor.   
'Wh....when did you come out here?' Party stood up and made his way towards the blonde.  
'I.... I...uh... I knew what happened, I heard it, and actually saw it, too, the argument.....and stuff.' Kobra replied as he walked fully out of the dark, slowly. He blinked several times to adjust his eyes to the bright light that he had not seen for days. Under the light, he looked even paler, his black hair had grown to an amount that was noticeable. Instead of a top, there were still bandages wrapped around his torso, and he still held a hand on his ribs. But at least his physical condition had finally recovered to a level that allowed him to get off his bed and walk out of his room to join the rest of the rebels.

'I was walking out, and then I heard the argument. I was not sure about the reason why you wanted Fun to apologise to me, but then I heard the words Jet said. Although I'd been....... expecting the worst all the time since I came back, when I confirmed that the antidote was lost, my first thought was to hide back into my bed and pretend that I didn't hear anything, or at least, heard something wrong.'  
Party wiped a tear away with the back of his hand and hoped that nobody had noticed it. Kobra exhaled long before proceeding on.  
'But then I asked myself what was the point of it, hiding away from the truth, and I didn't get a convincing answer. That's why I stayed, to composed myself at the moment. You don't know how it hurts to see you guys like that. I mean.... I saw that, I wanted to do something, and then I realised that I have no place in that conversation, or argument, if you want. Do you know how it feels, everyone getting into something bad that's mainly related to you but you can do nothing about it? You know what? It sucks.'

'I'm sorry, Kobra, I'm terribly sorry. I can't even-'  
'No, don't be, Fun. Not for the argument, not for the antidote, okay? Stop blaming yourself on any of those. If you insist, then I'm saying here that I....... I forgive you.'  
Fun's eyes widened, 'I didn't want you to..... to just forgive me. Man, I was hoping for a lash out, and that will probably make me feel better......' Fun replied in surprise.  
'I know, and that's the problem, isn't it? I can't. How could I bring myself to lash out at you?' Kobra said with a shallow, careless, smile while slightly shaking his head, almost as if he had already seen through his own misery and decided to let everything go as it should. It was nothing like simply giving up, though. It was more like that he had finally understood something deeper and different from his ordeal that others wouldn't understand at all. He welcomed what was going to come, no matter what it might be.  
'Just.....just how could you do that...... after all the things you've been through?' Fun still asked in disbelief, his voiced trembled.  
Kobra smiled again and reply softly, 'Do you know, Fun? It was always these, terrible things that remind me of humanity, and how it always shines in the most unlikely and desperate moment. And I couldn't just let it go. If there's still anything left after the drug takes full effect, I assume it to be that, even if it's tiny and no match to the coldness of a CROW.'

'Welcome back, Kobra.' Jet finally decided to end this emotional situation, he then turned and yelled at the corridor, 'you can come out, Grace! We ain't arguing anymore. Oh, and, bring the thing out as well!'  
The rest of the rebels, even the usually serious Dr. Death, looked at the corridor in curiosity. Grace rushed out and threw herself at Kobra's bandaged waist that made Kobra grunt out in pain, but he only smiled back, 'hey, how are you doing, Gracie?'  
'I'm superb, and I miss you, Kobra.....' Grace giggled as she revealed 'the thing' in her hand.  
'Will you accept it this time? Your favourite drink--in a glass?'  
Kobra couldn't help but chuckled at the sight of the glass that was supposed to be full but now less than a half because Grace had splashed it all over the floor.  
'Yes, of course, thank you very much.' Kobra replied politely while the others all laughed.  
Party stretched his arms out and pulled Kobra carefully into his embrace, 'There's my little brother. You know what, you are unbelievable.' Party couldn't hold back his tears anymore, and he didn't care. He didn't know where the tears came from, but probably they were a mixture of the joy of seeing his baby brother growing so tough as ever be, and the sorrow that the toughness wasn't going to last long enough for his brother to see the world once again without the BL/ind, if the day shall ever come.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra's first attack as a CROW....

'Kobra, hey, Kobra? What's wrong with your eyes?' Grace pointed at Kobra, jumping up and down. Party pulled away to look at Kobra properly.  
'What do you mean what's wrong with my eyes? They're still.... eyes, I suppose? I'm not blind!' Kobra replied nonchalantly as the others all stared at him.  
'Come on, don't look at me like that, what's going on? You're making me feel awkward.'  
Jet frowned and fixed his eyes on Kobra, 'Grace is right. Kobra, your eye colour wasn't black, was it?'  
'Wasn't, God, no, it isn't! Of course, Jet, you know it!'  
Fun shook his head, 'Not so sure about that now. Kobra, it is black, your eyes just turned black minutes, or even seconds ago. I'm sure the colour wasn't black when you first came out from your room, or we'd noticed.'  
'Can I have a look?' Dr. Death squeezed himself between the Killjoys and cupped Kobra's face, 'Look at me, Kobra. Look at me. This could be very dangerous.'  
Kobra wanted to chuckle and say things like, 'how could a person's eyes turned to another colour in minutes', but things that came from his mouth were just incomplete words with one syllable each. And that was when he realised that something extremely bad was happening and he started to panic.  
'Doc.... wh....what ..s.. wrong...wi.with....me...?'  
Dr. Death just stood there as if he was lost in thoughts. 

'Doctor, what's happening? We need to know!' Party grabbed Dr. Death's shoulders and shook them violently.  
Dr. Death finally snapped up his head and yelled, 'Quick, get him into his room, lock him up, and don't open the door until I tell you to!'  
'What?'  
'No asking for now. Just do as I say! Now! Go!' Dr. Death was literally shouting.  
The Killjoys and Show looked at each other, and despite Kobra's questioning and struggling, they hurried him into his room.  
'Watch out for his ribs!' Grace stood tiptoed and shouted down the corridor. Dr. Death was beside her, holding her back from running towards Kobra. He just told Grace that the situation was too dangerous for her to go near Kobra's room.  
'And get his raygun out before you close the fucking door!' Dr. Death yelled as he suddenly thought of something important. But as soon as he said the word 'door', Kobra's bedroom door was smashed close with a loud bang.  
'Sorry, what did you just say?' Jet asked.  
Dr. Death sighed heavily and shook his head, 'If my theory is right, then you've got to get Kobra's raygun out, or he might kill himself in there.'  
As they talked, they heard things being thrown and broken, and the terrible and nonstop noise of Kobra furiously banging the door.

'Kobra are you okay?' Party tried to ask.  
'He couldn't hear you. Now who's gonna get the raygun?' Dr. Death resumed the topic.  
'I will.' Jet volunteered.  
'Jet you should know very well that Kobra's now getting insane there. You have to be extra careful. The only thing he could hear now is the instruction from BL/ind. He's going through a transformation of a CROW. According to previous cases, this will be a recurring process until he's fully reprogrammed, and hopefully the first time won't be too serious.' Dr. Death rushed all the words out.  
'But Jet--'  
'No, Fun, stop it. I owe you.' Jet said as he waited for the banging to cease shortly, and then he pulled opened the door and walked straight in.

Kobra was sweeping all the things on his desk to the floor, didn't even notice that Jet had entered the room.  
'No, no.... the voice..... Korse...get out of my head!'  
Jet swallowed, wasn't Korse already dead? Where the hell did Kobra hear that voice from? He decided that it was better keeping his mouth shut at the moment, though. He looked around the room, reaching for the raygun. If the BL/ind wanted Kobra to put a bullet through his own brain, he might do just that. But so far he was still fighting against that voice, which was good. Kobra's now clenching his head, trying to block out the voice planted into his brain. The raygun lay silently in her holster on the nightstand.  
Jet tried his best to walk near the nightstand without raising Kobra's attention. But then he felt an icy look shot directly at him, and he didn't even have to turn his back.

'CROW num-ber two-one-nine-o-six to kill who-e-ver seen-'

Jet knew he was in trouble. He rushed to the nightstand and grabbed the raygun, and at the same time Kobra was closing the distance between them. He might sound like a robot but his movement wasn't that kind at all. In fact, his movement did even improve because Korse did say he would make him an 'ultimate' CROW so that he could finish off the Killjoys for him.  
Jet watched as Kobra edged him slowly to a corner, Kobra was holding a torn metal window pane from his own widow.  
'No, Kobra, look at me, I'm Jet, Jet Star.' He waved his hands in front of Kobra and Kobra didn't even blink at all.  
'CROW num-ber two-one-nine-o-six is what I am called.' Kobra then raised the window pane and swung at Jet's head. Jet had no choice but to duck, and the pane scratched his hair and missed by barely two or three inches. Jet didn't think much, and all he focused on was the bedroom door. He dived onto the bed and quickly rolled over it. Kobra's window pane just landed on the spot of the bed Jet just rolled over a second ago. Jet got to his feet and dashed for the door. His palm reached the knob, turned it, and pushed it out for the width that just allowed him to get out. The window pane connected with the door one last time with a loud clank that made everyone outside jumped. Then there was the sound of the pane being dropped down to the floor before it all silenced down once again.

'You've got it?' Dr. Death made his way down the corridor with Grace following steps behind.  
'Yes.....' Jet replied while bending over, panting heavily.  
'He tried to do anything, kill himself?' Fun asked.  
'Yeah, he tried to kill me.' Jet replied. 'He said he heard Korse's voice, and he called himself CROW number 21906.'  
'So it's happening then.' Party said without any facial expression, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and eyes staring at the ground.  
'Am afraid so, sorry, Party.' Dr. Death sighed and patted Party on the shoulder.  
They all leaned against the wall, saying nothing more. Grace gratefully stayed silent and still, just looking at them. The only sound heard was their own breaths.

And then the familiar voice reappeared in the bedroom, with that kind of heart-tearing desperation and disappointment to himself, crying.  
'My God, stuff shattered....things broken.... and this is a mess. What...what have I done? What have I done?'

Outside the bedroom, a teardrop secretly fell to the ground, sharing the sorrow of a finally broken man.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra recalled how his secret conversation with Dr. Death became essential to other rebels' safety when he turned.

Dear Diary,

The thing that I fear the most finally happened. They told me that I tried to kill Jet with a window pane from my own window. The used-to-be unbearable headache and nightmares have become minor issues compared to this.   
I have to bring this memory up because if I didn't have this conversation with Dr. D, Jet, as well as others, could be dead by now.

My brother said he heard me talking during the nightmares, and now he realised that I was repeating the BL/ind orders unconsciously. I asked him what I had said, but he wouldn't say. Instead, he gave me an extremely sorry look. I didn't have a choice, but I'd got to know what I had said, so I asked Dr. Death privately when he came to check on my injuries. At least he always told me everything he knew.  
But surprisingly, 'Kobra, you don't need to know that. Just lie still and rest.' Dr. D told me.  
'Can't you just.... tell me? I need to know what he said, I need to know what I will become. I'll be fine with the answer.'  
'No, you won't. Believe me, I've known you enough, and you won't.' Dr. Death replied in the same tone.  
'But..... at least I have to be prepared, don't I, if I am to become a killer or murderer for the Company. And you will have to do something to me like, tying, cuffing, or locking me up or whatever, won't you?' That's my real and main concern. I saw Dr. D literally pale.

'The Company, Kobra, what, or who is the Company?' Dr. D asked carefully and clearly. Each of his pronunciation sounded as stunning as a thunder on Christmas Eve. I froze on my bed. A strong and irritating feeling stirred its way up from my stomach as Dr. D's face slowly faded away from my vision. I felt that I was either going to vomit or simply faint. But Dr. D was not ready to just let go, 'Answer me, Kobra Kid, what is the Company?'  
'I'm sorry that I used it again, but I didn't mean to say it--'  
'Wait, Kobra, so this is not your first time already?' Dr. D cut me off with widened eyes, and I replied that it was not. And I told him sorry again because I didn't tell him about this the first time when it happened.  
'Forget about it, Kobra. If you already called them the Company, then it means that you are somehow ready to accept the role they try to reprogram you into. And I guess it's no point not telling you the truth now because it's not going to change you much. I'm not lying to you, but it's just a matter of time.'  
Always so damned straight, and that's Dr. D, and that's what I need now. 'I know.' I hung my head down and sighed.  
'You're sure you can take it?' Dr. D asked one last time. I didn't say anything, and I didn't look up to meet his eyes when I nodded weakly.  
'You said that you want to kill Party and blow up the rebels' nest.' Dr. D tried to say in the most harmless tone but it didn't really help. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  
'Just sleep, Kobra. Close your eyes, leave this behind for now, and sleep, for God's sake.' He stoop up from the chair beside my bed and was going to leave my room.

'No, Doctor. Don't leave yet, a final question for you.' I tried to lift up my upper body but failed miserably with a grunt.  
'Lie back, Kobra, I'm not ready to rewrap your bandages yet.' At least Dr. D paced back to my bed. 'You are a patient, Kobra, and in that case it means you will listen to me. And don't you dare trying that again on your own until I say that your ribs are fully healed.' Dr. D added. I looked down at my ribs, feeling slightly embarrassed, and then nodded. He was only trying his best to take good care of me, I got that. I was too careless about my own body.  
'And don't say you're sorry, man. I've heard enough of your apologies these days. Now what's your question?'  
'You'll lock me up, yeah? I mean, if anything goes wrong...'  
'Only if I know when the fucking hell things will go wrong with you..... You have any signs of......turning, shall I say?'  
No, and that's the problem. My hair has changed, my skins have changed, and I'm hearing BL/ind instructions, but I haven't done anything physically bad to people around me yet. I haven't killed my brother or blown our hideout up, have I? I frowned and shook my head.  
'I guess we will just have to wait and see, then.'  
'Just, don't let me harm anyone I love, okay? Don't let me even get the chance to try.'  
'I'll do what I can.....' Dr. D murmured as he made his way towards the door. 'Now will you sleep now? Your body needs to rest, really.'

 

So this is how Dr. D found out my signs of 'turning' and saved the others from being harmed by me, the crazy me, and the BL/ind me.  
I know people don't really put that many dialogues in a diary, but you need to know Dr. D if you get to find this notebook and read my story here. I'm probably dead by now and hopefully he's not, then he'll surly lead you on the rebels' run. I guess that's what he means by 'Killjoys never die'.

K.K.  
California, 2019

Oh, and, another question just arose, Doctor, if you can answer me...... that will be good....

Would you kill me if you need to?  
Please promise me that my brother doesn't get to do that.  
Will you fulfill the death wish of a half-dead man?


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace walked into the bedroom and there was a crazy Kobra, or there wasn't?

'So now here's the situation. Kobra's not gonna be sane all the time and once any of you find him having problem speaking and his eyes turning black, you have to, you must, get him to his room and get his raygun, and lock him inside as soon as possible. Each time it will last longer than the last time. When he couldn't fight it and change back anymore, he will stay forever like that and carry out whatever orders the BL/ind gives him.' Dr. Death explained to the rebels while Kobra was having another time of outbreak.  
'How about we keep his raygun for him?'  
'No, Show, the Killjoys always keep their guns close and die with them if they need to. The guns are their most precious properties, and you can't just take them away.'  
'What do we do, then?'  
'Well, I think it's best you let him do whatever he likes while he still can...... Going out for a ride, shooting things with his gun, eating something more luxurious, and you spending more time with him and Grace together.......'  
'Ah, Grace, speaking of the...the....., well, speaking of Grace, there she comes.' Show pointed at the corridor as Grace emerged from it, holding a piece of paper in her hand.

'Hello Gracie, what's going on?' Jet greeted with his bright voice.  
Grace simply ignored and walked past him but stopped right in front of Party. She stretched out her arm and the piece of paper lay in her palm. 'Can you translate it for me? The only thing I understand is your name.'  
Party frowned, so it was not English, then. But what else would it be? The words, no, they couldn't even be called 'words', the 'signs' were actually more like the ones used in ancient civilisation, combined with totem and lines.  
'What does it say?' Fun asked eagerly. But Party just shook his head and passed the note to Dr. Death, who drew in a sharp breath at the first sight of the note. Grace saw the change on Dr. Death's face and hid behind Fun.  
'This is a language used only between BL/ind's higher staff! "Stop being rebellious or Party will be killed". Grace, where did you get this?' Dr. Death could easily be shouting the words out if it had not been Grace turning in the note. Grace was still hiding behind Fun, leaving only half of her face visible to Dr. Death.  
'Grace? I'm not blaming you, okay? But you've got to tell me because this is seriously important.'  
'I....I got it from....from Kobra....'

'What?' They all asked in shock and disbelief. Grace hid fully back behind Fun again.  
'You got it from Kobra, when he was going all crazy in his room?' Party asked in a harsh tone, which made Grace start to sob.  
'I didn't know, Party. He had been quiet, and I just wanted to know how he was doing...... and he gave me the note..... and it had your name on it so I thought you needed to have it.......' Fun turned to pull her into his arms and told her that Party was only too concerned about her safety, 'He didn't mean to do you anything bad, he's just worried, okay? He's just worried if Kobra did anything harmful to you--'  
Dr. Death cut in, 'Well Grace actually raises an issue here. If the crazy Kobra could be that calm to hand a note to a little girl like Grace without scaring her, how are we going to know when the hell we should let him out without looking at his eyes?'

'May you guys let me out? I'm fine now!' Kobra's voice from the corridor got everyone's attention.  
'It's Kobra, it's him. Need to get him out.' Party stood up immediately and made his way towards the corridor, only to be pulled back by Fun.  
'We can't be sure, can we? If Grace saw the normal-acting Kobra, then probably his voice could be normal while his mind went completely crazy! He might update to a more advanced level in order to trick us!'  
'Fun's probably right, and sorry, Party, we have to think about the worst things so that we could protect ourselves.' Dr. Death said while Kobra asked for being released again in a seemingly nice way. Show rolled his eyes, 'God, he just picked the right time to ask, didn't he?' Nobody replied, only Kobra's asking was now accompanied with loud banging on the door.  
'Perhaps.... we can ask him something that the crazy Kobra doesn't possibly know.... like things happened in the old times.....' Jet finally joined the conversation, and everyone just looked at him, hey, this might work!

'Come on, guys, I promise you that I'm fine, just let me out!'  
'Sorry, we don't know if you are lying or not! You've got to prove it, Kobra!' Dr. Death shouted back in the same volume. 'What can you remember from the old times?'  
'Me and Grace used to hack a raygun and batteries from the Company's vending machine!'  
'Not enough, Kobra, and don't use the word 'Company'! The old times, before you Killjoys met me, before the fucking bombs dropped!'  
'We used to play at Madison Garden Square?'  
'Come on, Kobra, something more specific!'  
'Okay, how about this? We used to play in Reading Festival and the audience threw bottles of piss at us! That enough?'  
Silence.  
Silence.  
Silence.

'It's true! What, you don't believe me? Ask the guys!' Kobra yelled.  
Dr. Death and Show turned to the three Killjoys who were now feeling extremely embarrassed, 'Is that true? I mean, My Chemical Romance, really?' Show asked, trying hard not to laugh. The Killjoys just looked at each other, didn't know what to say.  
'Fine! It's true, okay? Now just get him out, for God's sake!' Fun finally compromised and said.  
When Kobra walked out. 'Kobra, when you are insane, fine, I'll give you that, but do you really have to be like this when you are normal?' Jet shook his head with a bitter smile.  
'I want to punch you in the guts real hard if you don't have those fucking bandages all over you!' Party added.  
Dr. Death stood beside, listening to the complaints and smiled. He almost forgot when was the last time he smiled. And now they were all smiling, no, literally laughing.  
But, perhaps somehow they knew that they didn't have much time to smile together like this?


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Killjoys started a campfire in the desert and enjoyed their time with Grace.

Earlier Today......

It was another extremely hot day in the desert.   
They all stayed in their hideout, cooling themselves down. The BL/ind wasn't preparing for fights according to the radio channels, and they weren't sending any spies around here, either. Maybe they were producing another Exterminator like Korse? Maybe the Master was planning something even bigger, more vicious? Well, as long as the BL/ind didn't launch the attack first, the rebels didn't really care much about that now. All they cared was how to give Kobra the best memories they could possibly create. Just as Dr. Death suggested, from last night they had downed all the precious liquor in their stock. They had had a shooting game with fake Dracs aims, and they didn't care how Kobra had lost his natural sense of shooting, and how he had used up those batteries missing the targets. Party had also taken the driver's seat and gave the other three Killjoys a relaxing ride, and by relaxing it meant speeding across all six zones with the roaring engine of the Trans AM. They played hide-and-seek with Grace until she was too tired and fell asleep while counting from one to fifty. They hadn't enjoyed these kinds of 'entertainments' for what seemed like decades. After all the killings, runs, plans, and missions, the Killjoys finally got to do the things not related to their own and others' survival and safety.

'It's so hot..... I don't even want to eat..... what should we do now?' Fun asked, tugging at his canned food with his fork.  
'Shut up, Fun, you know you should be grateful having your food in front of you!' Jet talked back immediately.  
'Camping!' Grace shouted and bounced up from her seat.  
'Ah.... Grace, the temperature outside is not suitable for camping now, and obviously we don't need another campfire, do we?' Fun replied.  
'Well, actually, I think we can do it tonight, not the whole camping, I mean, the campfire stuff.' Kobra suggested.  
'As you say, Kobra, you are the boss!' Jet replied with a smile.

\-----------------------

So here they were, sitting around the campfire near their hideout, chatting and laughing. Dr. Death and Show had decided to leave them some privacy. The night out in the desert was actually freezing, but not anymore with the fire. The sky was full of twinkling stars, and the moon also joined in with tender lights. It was all quiet except for the cracking sound of the firewood and the voice of the Killjoys.  
'I miss the feeling,' Fun said, 'getting together, having a drink, well, water for now, but it's just like the old days.'   
‘Yeah, would be better with roasted marshmallows, though.’ Party added.  
‘Are you guys gonna play some of your songs, like the old days?’ Grace asked with eager eyes.  
So she knew about ‘the old days’, didn’t she? Electricity was treasure here, so maybe we would just play the acoustic versions. Party cleared his throat and nodded. Jet and Fun then ran off to get their guitars. ‘Stay there, Kobra, we will get your bass!’

''Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take,  
So hold on tight and don’t look back  
We don’t care about the message or the rules they make  
We’ll fine you when the sun goes black''

Party sang out the lyrics of the song that first came to his mind. He couldn’t help but think of this. It was sad, but yeah, it was a perfect description of everybody’s thoughts that night. When they wrote this song, nobody expected that the lyrics could come to be so realistic, and now, nobody knew what was going to come next. They could only live for the day, live for the hours, live for the minutes, and live for the seconds. That night, there were just them four in the world, no rebels, no residents, no enemies, and no BL/ind. 

''And you only live forever in the lights you make  
When we were young we used to say  
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break  
Now we are the kids from yesterday''

Grace sat silently beside the flashing flame, listening to the lyrics and the melody. She didn’t quite get the lyrics, but she could sense the sadness in the song. Somehow she knew that for the Killjoys, there was no going back once they chose to come out to the desert and became a rebel. Grace herself didn’t have a choice, she was brought to the desert, but she felt grateful that the Killjoys stepped into her life. Now, she just couldn’t imagine the life without Kobra. Killjoys meant the four members together, and it would never be complete without Kobra. A tear finally slid down from her cheek.

‘Hey, hey Kobra!’ Jet suddenly stood up and jumped away from Kobra. The other three Killjoys stopped the music abruptly and looked towards Kobra. ‘Your jacket is on fire! God, don’t you feel it?’  
‘No……’ Kobra tuned around and put out the fire. Part of his jacket was slightly burnt, and so was his skin. Kobra looked at the jacket sadly. ‘I couldn’t even feel the pain now…… What am I exactly, some kind of monstrous creature?’   
Grace walked over, ‘hey, that way you won’t have to bear the pain from all your wounds and your ribs! Isn’t that a good thing?’  
Kobra looked at Grace for a long time, his face turning from confusion to some levels of realisation. This kid always taught him something that he couldn’t have possibly learnt from the adults. It was her way of seeing this world, simple, and full of bright things. She was the real kid from yesterday. Then he smiled, ‘yeah, you’re right, Gracie. It’ll be great. Let’s play on.’

''‘Cause you only live forever in the lights you make  
When we were young we used to say  
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break  
Now we are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kid from yesterday  
Today  
Today''


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beautiful day when the Killjoys spend their time together with Grace. But at the end of the day, another terrible effect of the drug kicked start, memory lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys, so I realise that I can't live one day without writing, and hope this won't have an effect on my school performance. For now I decide that I will continue writing till the end of August and see how I do.......
> 
> And really, thanks a lot for still reading this, I feel so honoured........

'It's amazing, isn't it? We've come a long way since 2001, from the good old New Jersey to California now. Just how the hell did we come to this?' Party said playfully.  
'Good old New Jersey, huh? I remembered how you brothers complained about your small rooms and how much you wanted to get out from there!' Fun challenged.  
'You're right, but it's still home, and I kind of miss home now.' Kobra looked up at the stars, 'home no longer exists, though. We only have this hideout.'  
Grace although insisted to stay in the conversation with the Killjoys, eventually she got too tired to even stay awake. She had curled up under a comfortable blanket and was fast asleep. Now this was the true moment shared only between the Killjoys.  
'I remember the day when I was lying on the sofa, high, and you guys asked me if I wanted to join the band. Yeah, definitely, why not? It was a real thrill to play with you, you know?' Fun said.  
'And why do you bring this up?' Jet asked with a smile.  
'Because....because, I just want to let you know how great it is to be with you guys.' And that if I didn't say this, Kobra might not get another chance to hear this. Fun held back his tears and moved his face out of the light of the campfire.

'Where do I begin? We were already friends before the band was formed......' Jet patted Party on the back.  
'And we were already brothers before I met Jet.' Party added right after while looking directly into Kobra's eyes. Kobra returned him with a shallow smile.  
'You are like Grace, you know? I brought you out when New Jersey was destroyed, and you have no choice but to follow me. And you were asking me where mama and papa were!'  
Kobra smiled in slight embarrassment, 'shut up, you don't have to bring this up!'  
'You can bring 'that' up and we can't bring 'this' up, huh? Pretty fair!' Jet smirked.  
'What do you mean?' Kobra asked, confused.  
'The Reading Festival thing you brought up earlier?' Jet replied.  
'What did I say about Reading Festival?' Kobra asked suspiciously.  
'Come on, don't joke with me, Kobra, say you still remember what you said few days ago.' Party crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
'I remember what I said that day but...... if it comes to what had actually happened at Reading Festival........'  
Fun rolled his eyes and whispered, 'God, that's equally bad.'  
'Are you serious, Kobra? How could you not remember that?' Party questioned in disbelief. Kobra stared at the campfire, not saying a word. Jet frowned, 'maybe we should go inside and sleep, saving some energy for tomorrow?'  
'Yeah, probably.....' Party's tone revealed a huge amount of disappointment and sadness. He couldn't believe that the fatal drug was even taking away his brother's memories.

Party couldn't sleep. He'd been tossing and turning and although it was still pitch black outside, it was almost three in the morning. He'd been thinking all night long. Would Kobra be happy living like this? What did he actually feel about the drug and all its effects? Was there more that he was suffering but not telling us? Did Kobra actually want to live? What if Kobra just chose to stay alive simply because we wanted him to?  
The small bedroom became suffocating. Party sat up from his makeshift bed and put on his clothes. He needed some fresh air. He silently pushed open his door and walked down the corridor, and then out of their hideout. Without the fire, the night was icy cold, and the winds blew sharply through the desert. The temperature had dropped drastically. Party took a deep breath. And as the cold air entered his lungs, he found himself calming down a bit. That was when he noticed a prone figure on the sands not so far away.

'Jesus, Kobra, wake up, what are you doing here?' Kobra didn't really move, his skins were stiff because of the cold air. His breaths were so shallow that Party could barely heard them. Party rushed back to the hideout to get a blanket.  
'Come on, wake up, Kobra, it's not time faking that you are dead......' Party thought as he quickly wrapped the blanket around Kobra's body. He held Kobra in his arms and hoped that it wasn't too late.  
'Am I...... am I dead?' Kobra slowly opened his eyes, 'oh, Party, what are you doing here?'  
The sudden voice of Kobra after a fifteen-minute complete silence almost made Party drop the man in his arms to the ground. 'No, you tell me first. What are you doing here?'  
'I have no choice, Party. I felt myself changing. I didn't know when, but the last thing I wanted was the possibility to harm any of you guys. So I came out, but after the rage I guessed I was too tired to go back and simply collapsed here......?'

The pair walked up to the 'roof' of their hideout. 'I couldn't sleep so I came out, and you were there....' Party said.  
'Thanks.' Kobra replied monotonously.  
'Do you really want to live?' Party couldn't helping asking, but quickly.  
'I'm sorry?' Kobra tilted his head in shock.  
'Nothing, never mind.'  
The pair sat shoulder to shoulder in complete silence for an awkward long time, each one guessing what could the other ad possibly thinking. Kobra looked shocked, so maybe he didn't have that thought. May it was just me thinking too much. Party actually said that, didn't he? Did he really mean that? I didn't get him wrong, right? He asked me if I really wanted to live.

'I don't want to forget.' Kobra suddenly broke the silence.  
'Excuse me?'  
'I...... I don't want to forget the things.... the things we've done together.....'  
Party didn't know what to say. He was grateful that Kobra didn't have to see the look of his face now.  
'Some pieces of my memories simply..... disappeared these days.....'  
Party turned to look at Kobra. He couldn't see Kobra's face clearly as Kobra turned away, but he was damned sure that Kobra's voice just cracked at the end.  
'I know that something is definitely there, but I don't know what it is.'  
Party listened sadly, eyes didn't leave Kobra for a single second.  
'Excuse me, but would you mind turning away?'  
'Nobody's here except for us. Let it out, Kobra, let it out.'  
'Those blanks in my memory.... God, they're killing me.......' Kobra buried his face in his palms. Party carefully pulled Kobra into his embrace. Kobra leaned his head against Party's chest and started to sob. 'I want to know what happened before... I want to be able to remember all our lyrics...... the Company couldn't just take it away from me, they couldn't......'  
Despite Kobra saying the word ‘Company‘, Party chose to ignore it, because there was something even bigger behind it. The lost of Kobra‘s memory meant that he was one step closer to becoming a CROW. 

‘Party?‘ Kobra ceased sobbing after a while and asked, ‘would you do me a favour?‘  
‘Anything, Kobra, anything.‘ Party replied gently.  
‘Would you call me by my real name, from now on?‘ Kobra looked into Party‘s eyes, ‘I...... I'm afraid that one day..... one day...I will forget my own name as well.‘  
‘Of course, Mikey, I'll tell everyone to call you Mikey if you want.‘  
‘That will be nice......‘ Kobra said as he slid down and rested his head on his brother's laps. Party stroked Kobra‘s hair gently, ‘now sleep, Mikey, sleep.‘  
‘Don't ever leave me again.....‘ Kobra murmured one last time before he fell asleep instantly.  
‘Don't worry,‘ Party looked down and gave Kobra a reassuring smile, though he knew Kobra wouldn't see it, ‘I'm not going anywhere.‘ He whispered.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kobra hurt someone for the first time after he turned........

BL/IND: OUR ENEMY, THE ONE THAT TAKES AWAY MY MEMORY AND WILL TURN ME INTO A CROW.

Party Poison:  
The one with red hair, who is also my big brother, used to be the vocalist. 

Jet Star:  
The one with curly hair, used to be the lead guitarist. 

Fun Ghoul:  
Sorry, but the one who is shorter. Rhythm guitarist. 

Show Pony:  
Well, weird name, the one with dots on his pants. 

Dr. Death Defying:  
Head of the rebels and the secret radio channel.

Grace:  
Simply the little girl.

Dear Diary,

It's late now, everyone's sleeping, and so far no-one has discovered my secret diary, but someday they will.  
I have to write these down in case I forget them. I know I will forget them sooner or later, but I just want to be able to remember them as long as I could, the same goes to the fact that the BL/ind is our enemy.  
I turn more frequently now, and even if sometimes I can feel myself changing, the transforming time gets shorter and shorter each time, and it gets harder for them to get me to my room. They noticed the problem and started to build me another room few days ago. The walls were made of strong glass that couldn't be broken easily, that way they could know how I was doing while keeping me inside all day long when I turned too many times a day, so that they wouldn't have to risk injuring themselves trying to lock me up.

About a week ago the construction of the room was finished, and today they gladly said that it was good they didn't have to use it too soon on me.

I just woke up and got to the living room with quite a light mood. My injuries had healed and we had had probably our best period of time since the BL/ind took over. It was strange when you thought about it. This alternative kind of death seemed to give everything a reason to be done, instantly. Anyway, that's not the point.  
They all greeted me and I greeted back just as usual, and we sat down at the table as the routine went. Old things had been constantly brought up to fill my 'blanks'. They knew that everything could possibly ring a bell, and that would excite me and made me feel like I was floating in a flood of beautiful memories, even if the thing was so bad that they didn't even want to recall it at all. For example, how the song Helena came to its existence.  
And this morning, they simply brought some random and fun stuff. Judging from Grace's laughter, you could tell that everyone was at ease.

Suddenly, my head started throbbing, an evil, vicious power deep down my core threatened to break out. I held my breath, my fingers tightened on the edge of the table to steady myself, my knuckles turning even whiter. Blood pounded at my ears, and a voice was shouting, demanding to be released. My eye colour must be black now.

I felt someone grabbing my arms and shoulders, trying to pull me away towards somewhere.  
'Get off me!' I shouted and struggled furiously. I couldn't see or hear clearly as I was changing, but I felt more people coming to me, and they were all yelling something.  
'Take your fucking hands off me!' I raved. And nothing seemed to change a bit, only the person, or people grabbing my arms were now trying to twist my arms behind my back. I kept struggling and protesting against the firm hold. My vision blurred and until I could no longer hear those people, snap, in a short second, the turning was finished.

When I felt myself sane again, after what seemed like an endless and tiring nightmare, the first thing I was aware was that I was in that glass room, for the very first time. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I must have caused some big troubles. I stood up but fell right back to the floor. My legs never felt so weak before. I struggled to gather all my strength to pull myself to my feet, but someone told me not to.  
'Don't fight the med, Ko.... Mikey, it's not going to wear off in at least ten minutes.' I didn't have to look up-- it was Dr. Death, the one who always told me everything.

Your strength coming back stronger than ever before, along with improved hearing ability and movement. With a monstrous roar, you broke free and hit the first thing coming into your widened field of vision. Fun (Frank, a quick reminder) the poor victim didn't get a chance to avoid the savage blow and backed away immediately with blood dripping all over his face. For the first time You sensed the feeling after releasing your over-floating strength in your body on an actual person. You smirked in satisfaction seeing us rounding you up but nobody dared stepping forward first.  
'Duck!' I yelled and we all ducked at the same time, leaving you the only one still standing. You felt a sting on my back, and slumped down to the floor and fell into unconsciousness. I dropped the syringe and helped them to get you to this room.

I hurt Fun (Frank), I did actually hurt him. I probably broke his nose, too. And that was why I ended up being here.  
'I'm afraid that you will have to stay here permanently now.' That was what he said. I got the point. I couldn't risk anybody's life here. I stayed here forever and they would be safe.

It's late now, everyone's sleeping, and so far no-one has discovered my secret diary, but someday they will.

Goodnight.

Feeling guilty, Mikey Way  
California, 2019


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party Poison's pov on the morning right after his brother was put into the glass room.

He was there, repeating BL/ind instructions over and over again, referring to himself as CROW Number 21906. His eyes were dark but shallow, missing that bit of depth of humanity. There was literally nothing in them. The BL/ind had taken absolutely every single thing from him and left him with this shell of a person. No human expressions, no human voice, no human movements, and no human thoughts. He was holding a weapon, and was walking towards me.  
'Mikey, stop! It's me! Don't you recognise me?'  
He replied that he was, of course, CROW Number 21906, and he walked closer  
'Mikey, please.......' I implored, but let my voice trail off, knowing that my effort went vain. I sighed in defeat and closed my eyes.....

 

Nightmare.

 

The first thing I thought of was Mikey when I woke up. Was he alright, after being put in that glass room? How much did he actually know about yesterday? Had someone told him already? I sat on the edge of my makeshift bed, wondering whether I should go to see my brother or not. He must feel extremely bad right now, waking up in a glass room similar to that in the BL/ind prison, with nobody to tell him what had happened. I decided to meet Fun and Jet first.  
'Dr. Death's just back from the glass room.' They said.  
'So Mikey already knows everything, doesn't he?'  
'Yeah, practically.' Fun replied. He already had his facial injuries treated, but there was still a deep-purple bruise visible on his left cheek where Mikey's fist connected. There were also four stitches on the corner of his left eye.  
'Are you going to see him?' I asked.  
'I don't know how he will feel seeing me like this.' Fun laughed bitterly. We decided to go there anyway. Dr. Death said that we could still go into the room and talk to him, do normal things, and that when Mikey turned, the only thing we needed to do was to 'get our ass out of it' as quickly as possible.

Mikey was lying on his back on the bed, hands clamped behind his head, eyes staring at the ceiling. The shot Dr. Death gave him should wear off long before, so obviously it was him that decided not to do anything at all, just like the first few days he got out of the BL/ind prison. It looked like this time, he had really given up all hope and confidence on his human nature.  
He only noticed us standing outside when Jet knocked gently on the glass wall. He turned towards us and forced a smile immediately. My heart was bleeding, 'come on, Mikey, don't fake it, you are not fine, not at all.' I thought.  
We stepped in without saying a word. Actually, just looking at how Mikey was avoiding looking at Fun had made it extremely difficult to start any kind of conversation.

'Mikey...... how are you feeling?' I asked, sitting down beside him. And you never knew how I wished that the person suffering was me.  
'Nothing.' He said. 'Nothing good, and nothing bad, either.' He added.  
And you knew it was not true, little brother. Unless you were already a CROW, you couldn't have felt nothing.  
Fun was still holding his words back. I knew he had something to say, but he was just afraid that anything he said would make Mikey feel even more guilty.  
I looked at Mikey, and he stared back with empty eyes. I could get nothing from those eyes. For the first time, I didn't really know what he was actually thinking about.

Grace appeared on the other side of the glass wall with a sketch pad in her hand and stopped. Mikey gave me a suspicious look.  
'We told her not to come in, in case you get mad......' Jet quickly replied for me. Mikey and I both chuckled at Jet being so straight-forward.

'Mikey, I miss you so much,' said the sketch pad raised high above her head.  
Mikey turned to me again. What was this? I didn't know, either, just kept watching. Grace's hand flipped to the next page.

'I miss playing with you,' with colourful little stickmen figures representing my brother and her. Obviously she had used my colour pencils.  
That was sweet. I heard Jet and Fun trying hard not to laugh. Mikey was staring at the sketch pad, lost in thoughts. After all Grace once again brought back Mikey's human, emotional side.

Flip.

'I miss going zone-running with you.'  
And there was the Trans AM, and Mikey and Grace, holding rayguns, and dead Dracs all over the ground of course.

Flip.

'I miss eating with you.'  
Mikey silently blinked away a tear.  
'Great, canned food.' Fun whispered and pouted.

Flip.

'I miss the way you play the bass.'  
And there were us four, playing on stage.

Flip.

'They say you're sick, so I pray for you.'  
A figure kneeling before a bed, praying, even though she knew that we no longer believed in God since the helium war began.

Flip.

'Get well soon, I will be waiting.'  
A big, smiling face appeared on the last page.

My eyes welled up in tears when met with Mikey's shocked and sorrowful eyes. I knew what he was trying to ask. I nodded slowly. Yes, we deceived her. She didn't know, and she expected you to recover. I'm sorry, Mikey, but how was I, how were we going to tell her the truth? The small room was filled with even heavier air and even much silence. Mikey nodded his head, too. I guessed he was saying, 'I understand.'  
Our hearts were connected, communicating through silence.

Mikey took a moment to compose himself and turned back and gave Grace an appreciating nod with a shallow smile. Grace started to write on the cover page.  
'You promise?' She raised the sketch pad high with a bit of bouncing.  
We all turned to look at Mikey, and he nodded again, with more fake determination that could fool any kid at Grace's age.  
A big, smiling face appeared on the other side of the glass wall, only this time it was literally stuck to the wall with joy, excitement, and anticipation.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey's last diary.......

Dear Diary,

Guys, when you see this, I am probably dead by now. Again, my apologies for my selfishness--I hope my brother isn't the one doing the job.  
You have probably witnessed my turning enough. Now I can even feel it. The voice is haunting me every day and night. It's coming after me, and the clock is ticking. You can see my hands are trembling. I can barely hold my pen still. Look, it's about time, and I'm not struggling anymore. I'm tired, guys, tired of being soggy, tired of counting down the days to go. Sometimes in some lonely and freezing, long nights, I would look up into the dark sky and wonder, will things get better if I just let go? I know these words look pathetic, from the hand of a Killjoy, but I don't want to lie anymore. Bet you don't, either. There have been too many lies since the apocalypse. Grace will have to know the truth someday near anyway.

I always say that I am a bad writer, but you'd better sit up and read this carefully now, because these are going to be my famous last words. And like I've said, I don't want to lie anymore.

 

Guys, I...... I hope that you know how grateful I am. I never want to be the centre of attention, but you've put so much effort on me. And I bet you would definitely fight the Company for the antidote, wouldn't you?  
During my first year out, I had so many doubts, and I kept thinking about my family and home. It was just me against the world. But looking back on it, I wouldn't have gotten through the days without you. That day when I said that the home was gone, I was completely wrong. I now realise that my home is indeed here. This hideout is where we live, eat, and sleep together, and this is what we give our lives defending for. This is everything we have.

Then this little girl joined the family and brought some laughter to the hideout. Can't deny that she's sometimes a trouble maker, but apart from that she's perfect in any way she can possibly be. It's almost like, that we adults are actually seeking salvation through her. She's a new and different perspective to our pessimistic world, even though she doesn't even know it. So I'm telling you here, Grace, you've done great, you've done yourself proud, and done us proud, too. I want you to know, that I never want to leave you, Grace. I'm sorry...., I'm sorry that you have to go through this at such an early stage. But you are a tough one, aren't you? After I'm gone, when you miss me, just close your eyes, and maybe you will see me somewhere again. 

And Party....... Gerard, my dearest big brother, the following passages are for you.

Do you know that you were my hero during my childhood? You always got me out from under the bullies' fists and kicks. Basically you made me a man, rather than just a pathetic, little, coward, hiding in his own bed, sobbing and waiting for the next, similar school day, when it would happened all over again...... I saw my worth out in the desert. I discovered that I was capable of putting down the Dracs, setting up a fire, zone running, and keeping my mouth shut no matter what Korse did to me. Before, I got extremely upset at what I would eventually be, but slowly I realised that if the injection was a punishment of not giving in, and my turning was necessary guaranteeing your safety, no, our safety against the Company, then it would be all worthwhile. Of course you, Gerard, played a big part, too. If you surrendered at any point during the process, then what Korse inflicted on me wouldn't matter anymore, would it?

Anyway I'm saying that those things have passed, well, for me. Those happy times, when we were still a band, when we launched our first album, when we rocked the Madison Garden Square, when we won our first battle against the Company, when we got the first ride on the speeding Trans AM, when we stole an all-new white bike from the Company.......  
And those bad times, too. So many places destroyed, so many families torn apart, so many casualties, so many victims, and so many survivors that were no longer aware that they were actually human. The endless loneliness, coldness, hopelessness, and darkness suffered by those held hostage and prisoner. I have to admit that at some time in that prison, when I was constantly slipping in and out from consciousness to unconsciousness, for what felt like millions of times, I thought of giving in to Korse just to escape from the horrifying, unbearable, and excruciating physical pain. For so many times I selfishly wished that I would never wake up again, only to open my eyes and found myself still in the prison cell, pathetic, weak, trembling, and broken, with endless despair. I held on to the happy memories, and I told myself that I would live to see you getting out of the filthy place before I died.

But I'm glad that they are all gone now.  
All gone for good.  
Now shall I feel sorry that you need to be in this misery far more longer than I?

Gerard, you will keep running, won't ya? I know you will. But there's still one more thing I wanna tel-......... no.-.. let-.. me.... finish, no.., ... don..t … turn.....no...- I... I want... to.....fi...ni.....-...


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A horrible night in the desert, a horrible roar, and two horrible shots......

That night, it unusually poured in the desert, accompanied with vicious lightning and thunders. A bike outside the hideout was strangely struck and burnt to ashes, seemingly foretelling the occurrence of a tragedy. Party was interrupted during his sleep, not by the roaring downpour, but by the terrifying noise coming from the glass room that had woken him up in the middle of the night--a noise that he didn't quite recognise, with such rage he'd never heard before. He bounced up from his bed immediately and rushed to the glass room, finding Dr. Death, the one on patrol, already standing outside, wearing a blank on his face. Nobody knew how long he had actually stood there. Looking through the glass into the dim room, Party wondered why his brother still had his bedside lamp on.  
'How long has he been like this?' Party asked silently, eyeing sadly on his brother who was constantly shouting out things in BL/ind language and throwing himself towards the glass wall.  
'Kobra.......he.... just minutes, and he started far less violent when I heard the slightest noise uttered and came here.' Dr. Death shrugged and replied. 'At first, I saw tears rolling down his face, and he just looked at me in total confusion and told me sorry because he had forgotten all the names, even including his own......' Really, experienced as he was, there was still not much he could do about it. Although Korse was long dead, he had certainly brought his torture to a new level.

'It hurts,' Party said, pulling Dr. Death down to sit beside him on the floor, 'it hurts, just to watch him like this.'  
'I know.' Dr. Death said, and he knew how rare it was for Party to get things off his chest, especially this one. Dr. Death secretly appreciated it. They sat, knees pulled up to their chests, and they watched in complete silence, just as before. Party didn't know why, but this time it just felt so different. The banging noise sounded louder than ever before, and there seemed to be flaming fire in his brother's eyes. His brother had been fully taken over by waves of fury and wildness, like a savage being in Stone Age. Something in his body was ready to explode at any second, and burned the whole hideout down to earth. Yet again, this might just be his own crazy interpretation from his own crazy brain.  
Tiny cracks now appeared on the glass wall, and this was certainly not someone's illusion.

'Party......' When Dr. Death broke the silence again, it was nearly twenty minutes after they sat down. Kobra hadn't shown any signs of calming down or turning back. He might just stay like that forever, Party knew only too well that he should always expect the worst. In this world, there was nothing to be so optimistic about if safety was taken into concern.  
'Party, I should warn you that, maybe..... maybe this is it.' Dr. Death had never tried to hide the truth. He had simply seen too much. But this time, he paused, and he even stuttered a bit. Something was clearly wrong.  
'Wh....what......?' Party raised his head wearily, his voice weak and tired, his mouth dry as desert. After all, hearing the truth coming out from Dr. Death's mouth was another thing from simply knowing the truth. Dr. Death didn't bother to repeat the words, he knew that Party had heard it clearly enough, and the only problem was that he refused to believe it. Party blinked. The words were like a death sentence to his Mikey. For the first time in his life, Party wished that Dr. Death was wrong.

'Sorry to interrupt, but should I get the others?' Dr. Death asked, as gently as he could. Party jumped as if someone had blown a horn beside his ear.  
Apparently Grace had demanded Fun and Jet to 'protect' her from the thunders while she slept, and the two Killjoys didn't dare leaving their posts hearing the noise. Or, they were willing to stay just because they wanted to keep Grace out of the whole damned thing.  
'No,' Party shook his head, 'Just let me be with him...... for a little bit longer.'  
Dr. Death sighed, 'right, then. I'll leave you alone.' he replied softly as he walked away.  
'Thanks.......' Party whispered in a tiny volume that could only be heard by himself.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

 

When Dr. Death returned again hearing the glass wall being shattered, Party was already forced on his back by Kobra. Kobra's fists were bleeding, and some of his skins on the arms were torn by the sharp, broken glass. Obviously he had simply used his own fists to get himself out of the room. But he didn't care. He'd been immune to pain since much earlier.  
Dr. Death drew his raygun instinctively, but found it too hard to aim as the pair was constantly writhing and changing positions on the floor.  
Kobra was too strong, far too strong for Party to fight off. And it didn't take long for Kobra to pin his brother firmly down to the floor, his fingers tightened around his brother's throat. Party's hands wrapped uselessly around Kobra's wrists. 'It's me, Mikey. Look, it's me!' Party didn't mind wasting some of the precious air in his lungs trying to bring his brother back.  
'I want you dead!' The BL/ind instructed Kobra to yelled in English. One of Kobra's hands remained on Party's throat, while the other went to grab Party's right wrist and he snapped it.

Party's hand fell limp to his side, but surprisingly he couldn't feel the pain. Instead, he risked using up the very last bit of the air left in his lungs, 'You....... you want me to......to die.....?' He whispered, his eyes fixed on the rough outline of his brother's face.  
'Sure as Hell, NOW!' Kobra yelled back and tightened his fingers again, his blood stained Party's neck and collar.  
'Party, fight it! You're not gonna die like that!' Dr. Death shouted.  
Party looked into Kobra's eyes, and Dr. Death's voice started to fade away. His brother wanted him to die, his brother, whom he had raised on his own since the War, demanding him to die. Determination shone in Kobra's eyes, and there wasn't even the slightest shred of regret behind them.  
Party let go his other hand and gave up all the struggling. His life flashed quickly yet clearly through his blurred vision.  
'Goodnight, Mikey.' He thought.  
And there sounded two oh-so-familiar shots from Kobra's raygun.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sorrowful day anyway...... things have to come to an end, and they have to accept it.........

Party closed his eyes, hearing the clank as the raygun was dropped to the ground. He couldn't feel his broken wrist. The fingers around his throat were gone, and there was only something warm and sticky on his chest. Did Kobra shot him at the last second to give him a quick death? Was he already dead? But then he reopened his eyes and saw Kobra's body stiffened, blood gushing out from two gunshot wounds on his chest. It was Kobra's blood.  
'No! No, Mikey, no!' Party yelled. 'Can't you just give him another shot to......' Party didn't finish his sentence.   
'Sorry, the wounds are fatal, and he doesn't have long now. This is the last method. I must kill him, or you die.' Dr. Death replied.   
'Let me die then!' Party shouted as he sat up, gently flipping his brother to his back when Kobra slowly fell to the floor.

Kobra was breathing hard, and he refused to be helped. The hatreds only became deeper in his eyes. 'I wanna kill you, Party Poison.' He clenched his teeth.

Party couldn't care anymore, this was his brother on the edge of death.  
'No, Mikey, stop.... say no more..... Please!' He was using his good hand pressing hard on the wounds, and only much later did he realise that the distant yelling must have come from himself.   
'God, Mikey, no......' Party looked at his brother desperately, his voice weakened. The man was still twisting on the floor with absolute rage, cursing the Killjoys in another language.

Yet Kobra soon lost his ability to struggle and curse. The blood loss was simply too much. The second he stopped any attempt to protest, a look that had long gone returned to his eyes. That soft, tender, and human look. The stubbornness, fury, arrogance, and hatred had all gone. Seeing what he had done, there was unspeakable pain and agony in his eyes, which were no longer black. Party could feel it, too. He stared at his brother in shock, almost forgetting to keep his pressure on the wounds. He knew that his brother was back. He turned to look for Dr. Death but found no-one there.

'Mikey, come on, look at me.'  
Kobra tried to rise but managed only the slightest movement of his upper torso before falling back, groaning. 'What happened?' He asked.  
'I.... I... I don't.....' Party closed his eyes and sighed, 'you seem to change back, brother. The drug is gone.....'  
'That's... that's good, isn't it?' Kobra managed to smile, but soon winced at the pain. His eyes started to flutter shut.  
'Yes, that's good, that's fabulous, but no, Mikey, you've got to stay with me!'  
'Just tired, Gerard.....'  
'I know, but you can't just.. just.....' Party paused, searching for the right words, 'just hang in there, for me, please!' Kobra opened his eyes and try to nod.

'Hurts.....' He started to tremble, his blood forming little puddles around his body. Party knew that the bleeding was unstoppable.  
'I know, baby, I know.' Party removed his left hand and ran his bloody fingers through Kobra's hair. 'I'm sorry, Mikey. I'm so sorry.'  
'Don't be....... Gotta rest...' Mikey mouthed, his gaze weakened.

'No, no, please, Mikey. Just look at me.' Party's voice cracked. He slapped his brother gently on the face, and when Kobra didn't react, he closed his eyes and squeezed down hard on the wounds.  
Kobra gasped at the pain and reopened his eyes, confused. 'Why...... why don't you let me.....?'  
Party felt his heart cracked, 'I'm sorry... I.. Mikey..... I just don't want you to leave......'  
'Me neither...... I love you, brother.....' This time Kobra tried his best effort and made his voice audible. 

Kobra's breathing laboured, a thin trial of blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth to his chin, his face whiter than the floors in the BL/ind prison.

'Gerard?'  
'Yes, I'm here, baby.'  
Kobra fought to swallow down the thick blood in his mouth but ended up choking, 'the.... the bass case....' He was coughing violently.  
Party bent down beside Kobra's face, 'yes, the bass case?'  
But Kobra left him waiting. He let his head roll to one side and closed his eyes again, 'Just a second, Gerard..... I promise......'  
'No, please don't Mikey, no! Don't do this to me!' He yelled.

When the eyes didn't open anymore, Party let himself tumble back to the floor, his left hand holding Kobra's palm tight.  
'Don't you dare, Mikey! Don't you dare!' Party's voice broke. 'You don't just break your promise and leave like that! That's not what I taught you!' His voice hoarse, his limbs weak, and his throat raw from bawling. He let go of Kobra's palm and hit the lifeless body again and again in desperation. After all the things they'd been through together, how could his brother do this to him? He bit down his lips, hard enough to draw blood. He knew that crying was useless endeavour that wouldn't bring his dearest baby brother back. Crying would only harm his image in the eyes of people who needed to seem him as strong--although there was indeed nobody else there.

'This is the antidote, huh? You're happy down there, Korse, bringing him back only to let him slip away the next second?' Party let out a howl at the sky, like an injured animal.  
'Now that you realise.' Dr. Death's voice suddenly appeared silently behind Party. 'Deadliest new drug from the BL/ind, the alternative antidote means death.'  
'And you've always known that, haven't you? Then why did you lie? I trust in you, Doctor! You never lie! Why?' Party didn't need the answer, he knew Dr. Death must be nodding and looking at him with sympathy. He just wanted to turn away.

The lightning and thunders never stopped, but all Party could hear was blood rushing to his ears. He wasn't aware when Dr. Death slowly paced away in heavy steps. He gently cupped his brother's face and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. He regretted that he never got to do it early enough. He felt his heart being ripped apart, and some part of his soul missing. He had an urge to cry, but his tears were suspended by the overwhelming grief down in his core. He held onto his brother's hand again, until it was cold, until it turned icy cold, then he passed out, right beside the cold body of his dearest little brother.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party Poison's p.o.v.  
> This is the end, but life must go on......

It had been two months since he was gone. I constantly woke up in the middle of the night crying and shouting his name. I saw that image again and again, in which he slipped away bit by bit right in front of me, like the sands in an hour glass. And God, his eyes, I would never, ever forget those eyes, deep with all the emotions from his far-too-short life, yet such vulnerable, praying desperately to be spared just a second more. And I couldn't do nothing, nothing at all. Just how could I live this down my life? For the whole two months I tried my best to forget it, but it always came back and haunted me down in my dreams. To seek comfort, I drowned myself in shots after shots, and pills after pills. I couldn't feel the days going by. Everything without him was just, wrong. The Killjoys were us four, or not at all.  
They told me that I shouldn't drink alone, but that was what I needed, to numb myself, and to be left alone. I didn't want nobody's pity. So they let me be. I was too afraid of letting it out. I was too afraid of facing it. His room hadn't changed a bit. They just left it there, only the person living in it was missing. I walked past it a lot, with my eyes cast away. But tonight, I told myself to steal a look, just a quick look, and I saw the bass case he talked about before he died.

I shut my eyes and told myself to man up, to step in the room full of sorrowful memories.  
I took a very deep breath.

The floors were now covered by a thin layer of dust, but none of his things were moved. My fingers trembled and traced along the edge of the bass case. 

'Gerard, unicorns do exist, don't argue with me, ' said an old, yellow sticky note on the case. 

I chuckled but soon tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. Just one simple joke like that could be overwhelming, as if it was reminding me of the fact that I could never argue with him again now. Was I finally allowed to cry?

Inside the case was where I discovered his diary.  
Right on the cover he wrote, 'If there's one last wish to be fulfilled, I wish whoever's gonna do it will not hesitate. And I wish it ends quickly, that way it's better for both of us.'

Was I finally allowed to cry frantically? My whole body started to tremble as I flipped through the pages gently. And as tears continued to stain the diary, I finally realised how lonely, scared, and confused he'd been since he was injected. At some points he thought of committing suicide, while once he asked Dr. Death to kill him if needed. He didn't want me to do that, because he knew it would simply hurt too much. But he just wrote on, and he hardly told me anything about them. I hated myself for not noticing it. 

 

"............. I thought of giving in to Korse just to escape from the horrifying, unbearable, and excruciating physical pain. ..........I selfishly wished that I would never wake up again, .........found myself still in the prison cell, pathetic, weak, trembling, and broken, with endless despair. ........I would live to see you getting out of the filthy place before I died."

 

That was just unfair. He'd suffered so much for me in the prison, and he didn't deserve to suffer these all alone, again.

 

"....... Now shall I feel sorry that you need to be in this misery far more longer than I?"

 

I chuckled again, when the hell did he learn that sarcasm?

And then,

 

"Gerard, you will keep running, won't ya? I know you will. But there's still one more thing I wanna tel-......... no.-.. let-.. me.... finish, no.., ... don..t … turn.....no...- I... I want... to.....fi...ni.....-..."

 

That was unfinished. Looking at his desk, I saw him trying hard to hold the pen, gritting his teeth, fighting the devil inside him. And at the last second, when he knew he couldn't fight it anymore, he grabbed the diary and stuck it into the bass case, because he knew that the CROW might just enjoy destroying it.  
That was the him I knew, always so careful, always so thoughtful......

What did you want to tell me, brother? What did you want to tell me? I whispered.

 

There were tiny knocks on the door, which still made me jump. I blinked away my tears but knew my eyes must be undeniably red.  
'May I come in?' asked a naive voice.  
Actually, she just walked in like nothing had ever happened. She sat down nicely beside me, folding her legs, looking at me.

'There's a passage for you.' I said. I was surprised that I actually talked first.  
'Really?' She raised her eyebrows, lights radiating from her eyes. From her voice you knew how excited she was.

 

'Then this little girl joined the family.'  
She read it aloud.

 

'Can't deny that she's sometimes a trouble maker, '  
She frowned and pouted.

 

'but apart from that she's perfect in any way she can possibly be.'  
Her face turned into a huge smile. 

 

'It's almost like, that we adults are actually seeking sal...salvation, is it? ...through her.'  
She shook her head, looking at me in doubt, 'what is "salvation"?' she asked in her childish voice.  
'It means..... it means we see hope on you, Gracie......'  
She nodded in a shy way, 'you do?'  
'Yes, Gracie, definitely, and I mean it.'

 

'.......... So I'm telling you here, Grace, you've done great, you've done yourself proud, and done us proud, too. I want you to know, that I never want to leave you, Grace.'  
'Me neither!' She yelled. 

 

'.......when you miss me, just close your eyes, and maybe you will see me somewhere again.'

 

This time she didn't 'respond', nor did she asked me questions. She handed me back the diary. She didn't speak. She seemed to be thinking, like an adult.  
I put the diary back to the case, and a white piece of paper fell out. It was a torn page from the notebook. The handwriting was not neat as usual, but it was clearly his.

'I have this in case I don't get to write it properly in the diary.'  
Always so careful, always so thoughtful.

'I want you to know that you are special.  
After we say goodbye,  
Please be true to yourself.  
'Cause the hardest part of this,  
Is always, always,  
Leaving you.'

I started to wail now. What was the point pretending in front of a kid anyway? I felt her hand on my shoulder. I flinched, but didn't flinch away. That was not pity, that was just pure empathy, yet she didn't cry at all.  
I looked up at her, who was standing with her eyes closed now. The tender moonlight poured on her body through the scattered window. I saw something sacred and indescribable, beyond a human's wildest imagination.  
Now I guessed that was what he truly meant by 'salvation'.  
I stood up and put the case properly back to where it should be, then I turned around and walked out. My pace was slow but firm, and I didn't look back.  
I knew, though, that she was still there, unmoved.

'Kobra Kid, I see you.......'  
Her innocent voice slowly faded away from my ears, but I knew that there must be the biggest ever smile on her face.

 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm listening to Cancer now. Gives me a completely different feeling.  
> Okay, so this is an emotional time for me both inside and outside the story. Three months and I have finally completed it in the way I wanted it to be.  
> Thank you all for reading, especially some frequently commenting readers. Every time I read your comments I was thrilled and touched.  
> Here in my country nobody in my life knows My Chem, and I mean it. This is the only way I can share my feelings with someone who really knows them, and that's you guys. Although we never actually meet, I hope you guys know how much you actually mean to me.  
> I enjoy my days writing it, and I hope you enjoy the story, too.  
> Massive thanks again.  
> SALUTE TO THE MIGHTY MCR!  
> (Comments? haha! )


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